By Amelia Holzapfel
Dear Men,
Every month (when I’m not super-lean from running) my body realizes I foiled its attempt at reproduction and gives up in a stream of blood.
I wish you could understand how unsettling it is to have my body constantly changing. Some women are on steady cycles. Their body never surprises them. I’m not like that.
My weight fluctuates. I get bloated. Sometimes I bleed a LOT and I get scared. The doctor says I’m okay but I often don’t feel okay. It’s something I could probably explain, given time, but whenever I mention my lady engine your eyes glaze over. You say you’re interested and that you want to understand, but your actions say otherwise.
Here’s my best try at a short explanation:
When I get emotional during menstruation it’s not just because hormones are making me edgy. I’m also being reminded of my own frailty–I’m terrified of blood, especially my own–and how rapidly I’m aging, disintegrating, and how powerless I am to do anything about it.
I joke about it sometimes, sure. But I’m only doing so to cope.
When I disagree with you about something and you ask me if I’m ‘on my period’ it’s a bit like promising an arachnophobe that you’ll be sure to bring her a spider next time you visit. Please don’t. It’s not funny to me.
I’m having my period, not giving birth to aliens. It’s not freaky, weird, or gross. It’s me!
You seem pretty interested in my vagina most of the time. Why not do some research and learn about how that part of my body works? Ask me questions, pick up a book, do a little hands-on exploration!
I wish we could talk about this. I wish it were okay to discuss my body without you feeling like you need to make jokes because you feel awkward. I want to talk about it. Most women do. If you take the time to learn about how my body works and how I relate to it, I think a lot of other things I do will start to make sense.
As a woman, I’m supposed to be all mysterious, right? Well, when it comes to my period, I think the mystery has been working against us.
If you want to know more, ask!
Love, Amelia
(For the pervs: No, I’m not volunteering to answer questions about my vagina. Go crawl back into your basement computer room with your anime.)
Amelia – the good news is that as men get older and mature, they become more comfortable with themselves and by default, the topics that affect we women. Take heart and be patient.
Amelia…
Agree! If only men’s interest remained intact during and not just pre and post! :~)
Great honest/brave post!
Really? Maybe I’ve just been lucky, but if so it seems an awfully crazy coincidence that all the guys I’ve dated in my life have said that they’re actually not freaked out by menstruation like most women seem to think. Their actions and reactions back those statements up. In fact I’m pretty sure I’m a lot more bothered by my period than they are.
“Some women are on steady cycles. Their body never surprises them. I’m not like that.
My weight fluctuates. I get bloated.”
I thought all women bloated. Can you have one that doesn’t post next so I can live vicariously?
“I’m also being reminded of my own frailty–I’m terrified of blood, especially my own–and how rapidly I’m aging, disintegrating, and how powerless I am to do anything about it.”
What? I have to admit dying is the last thing on my mind when I am having a period. I’ve been glad I wasn’t pregnant, extremely horny, annoyed at the mess, wondering if I should sell my eggs since they’re all going to end up in the toilet anyway and wondering if anyone will want to fuck me in this state. (Answer to the last one is yes!)
Do lots of other women think about dying when they have their period?
And I always thought that phrase “women faint at the sight of blood” came from an era when most men DIDN’T know anything about womens’ periods. I’m surprised to learn there are women afraid of their OWN periods. You may want to get help for that!
I tell myself everyone’s experience is different, but I have to chime in along with A Little Coffee: “Really?”
If you don’t like getting periods, look into getting on a good birth control that will (1) regulate your cycles, (2) bascially get rid of all side effects/symptoms, and (3) allow you to skip a bunch of periods. My OB says it’s fine to take pills continuously and never get a period. It’s just a suggestion… Nobody should have to suffer through what you describe every few weeks!