One of my pet peeves. #justsaying

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Waiting Longingly wrote in with this question. Well, a story and a question:

There is this girl i met last semester. I saw her while we were in a study room of 4, my friend and i, and the girl and her friend. I started developing a genuine interest in her and just could not resist her. We are at the same University, she is a freshman and i am a sophomore,anyways, since that day when we all met at the study room, each time i run into her, i just hug her, ask her how she is doing, and go my way.

I am a very shy person, so i was extremely nervous each time i saw her, and as much as i tried to control my nerves, it just would get the better of me.But as i said, each time i saw her i hugged her, and we just had brief chats and i went my way.That was towards the end of last semester, so we ran into each other about 3 times since we have different schedules.Anyways, so at the start of this semester, i saw her on the first day of school, together with her friend, we hugged, i wished them a happy new year, and went to class because i was in a hurry.

A day later, my friend told me he saw her, and while they were talking, she asked him how i was doing. A week after that i saw her together with her friend at the school caffeteria, but to my utter suprise, she first made like she didn’t see me, then just said hi and continued talking with her friend. Then 2 hours after, i ran into her again, this time with her friend, and hugged them both, i asked her how she was doing, and she said, she’s ok. But the snub at the caffeteria left me downbeat, and discouraged to even initiate more conversation.

Anyway i want to know what mistakes i might have made, and if i still have a chance of still getting her, and if so, how do i go about, trying to get her number, and hanging out with her, and hopefully having her as my girlfriend eventually.Another minor obstacle is that, each time i run into her she is with her friend and it is hard to initiate a conversation with a girl in such situations.Then yesterday, i met her friend and was talking to her, but she did not sound interested in the conversation as she used too.Please i really need advice on this situation Thanks!

Waiting Longingly

WL, that was quite a long explanation. Unless this girl likes reading Russian novels, you’ll not do well in attempting written correspondence with her. Anyway, you say you’re a shy dude and yet you walked up to this girl, said hello, and dished the physical in prompt form. That, my unwary friend, is not the sign of shyness. Your problem doesn’t seem to be shyness. If anything, you’ve been too friendly around this girl.

What do I mean by that? It’s very simple. If you like a girl, and you seemed to like this one initially, then you pay her more attention than you do anybody or anything around her. Are you supposed to be polite to her friends? Yes. Are you supposed to initiate physical contact with her friends? No! But you did, WL. You went and hugged all over her friends and met up with them and gave them loving you should have reserved for your one and only.

If you walk up to her now and ask her out, you know what she’ll most likely say? “oooh, WL, that’s really sweet of you but I value your friendship a LOT and I wouldn’t want to risk losing that by dating.” Unless you like the sound of that, it’s probably time you moved on. The world is full of women for you to hug, WL. Just make sure you’re only hugging one until she gives you explicit instructions to do otherwise.

Blue With Fear wrote in with an amazing situation:

Hi Simon, an ex I haven’t seen in 2 years recently sent me a prepaid cellphone via FedEx with minutes on it and a note that said “call me” and included a phone number and her name. What am I supposed to do? I don’t really miss her. I suppose she might have found out I was getting a divorce because I was slow in changing my Facebook settings. Otherwise, I’m not sure what she’s up to or what I should do about this. Help!

BWF, if a woman sent me a burner phone with minutes on it and I had no interest in calling her, you know what I’d do? I’d call my mother, talk until the minutes were up, and move on with my life. I don’t call my mother often enough and I know she’d appreciate the gesture. Of course, there’s a possibility that your ex has rigged the phone to explode when her number is dialed and calling her will leave you maimed or dead. What’s worse, she might just want to get you on the phone so she can woo you back into her clutches.

But perhaps you were the douchebag and she was right to be rid of you. Perhaps she’s in a bad spot and you were the only person she could think to get in touch with and not risk another “I’m naked in front of this person for the first time” experience. Perhaps you’d be doing her a favor by keeping your evil self out of her life? That’s something only you can know for sure, BWF. I suggest calling your mother and getting on with your life.

Readers, feel free to add your thoughts if you like and don’t forget to submit a question of your own!

by Simon Cole

The woman I love is marrying another man this weekend.

I met Mariska at the start of our final semester in college. I’d made a mistake on my schedule and showed up for the wrong class. I walked through the lecture room door, surprised to see about 20 chairs arranged in a circle.

She sat there. It was just us. Her hiking boots shed melting snow into a slowly growing puddle at her heels. She didn’t care. She was jut there, present, waiting. There were 19 available seats.

I can’t tell you what it was that made me long to know her but I did. I chose the seat directly to her right. I sat and turned toward her.

Hi, my name is Simon.

Wow. You’re very friendly. I’m Mariska.

Not all the time. I just wanted to meet you.

There’s nobody else here to meet.

That’s true. Tell me why none of the buttons on your sweater match and I’ll leave you alone.

She did. I didn’t leave her alone.

We kept talking. Continue Reading

By Simon Cole

It was our fourth date when Coleen popped the question. She was smart, funny, beautiful, and confident of her talents. We’d had a lot of fun hanging out and I, classy dude that I am, hadn’t pushed for anything physical… yet.

Coleen just had something about her that said, “don’t touch me quite yet” that I figured was a good idea to respect.

That changed when she slipped from her side of the table in the softly lit corner of the restaurant and scooted into the seat beside me. (Irish pub, booths, yep.)

I thought, “Yes! She’s finally over whatever is bothering her. Snog time!”

Instead, she leaned toward me, paused, and popped the question: Continue Reading

by Simon Cole

Cheaters aren’t born, they’re made. Are you making one out of your man? He may not be cheating. He might never cheat (some are better at committing than others). But that doesn’t mean he won’t resent you and look for love in other places. Here are 7 reasons you might be pushing your man to reassess his options.

1. You’re boring in bed

You don’t have to be a wild sex tigress with super flexibility who knows thousands of positions to be interesting in bed. You just need to know how to create an atmosphere of intimacy when you want to. Remember when you first met your man and all you had to do to get him hard was breathe on his neck? Not anymore. You go through the motions of sex but you don’t care. Your man might not be able to get a woman with a better body, but he can certainly find one who cares enough to make him feel noticed. She might be chubby but she’ll make him feel goooood. When was the last time you tried to make your man feel gooood?

2. You never give him that smile

You know, flirting? That thing you did when you first met? Flirting is a fun, sexy form of communication that you can do anywhere to remind your man that he’s your choice. Flirting is also an easy way of letting the women around you know that you keep your man interested and that they need not apply. However, judging by your behavior, you don’t really seem to care if they do try for him… do you? Continue Reading

by Simon Cole

Step 1 – Listen
Step 2 – Listen more
Step 3 – Keep listening

At no point in this process should open your mouth to speak. If you have trouble keeping quiet (most of us do) then have some crackers and a nice glass of wine to keep your mouth occupied while you listen. Continue Reading

The server I met at a nearby Thai restaraunt this past weekend joined me today for some pre-Thanksgiving ingredient shopping. (Guys, food shopping with a beautiful woman will do wonders for your culinary creativity.) In the course of our shopping we fell into conversation about what Thanksgiving actually means to us.

Jenny’s family will be enjoying a meal traditional to her Thai heritage. To her, Thanksgiving is a time to celebrate how far her family has come since moving to the US. My Thanksgiving will include the regular Turkey and elderly relatives discussing how we are related to the Plymouth Pilgrims. Though the smells, tastes, and traditions differ greatly, both our families are gathering to share in how grateful we are for what we have. Continue Reading

I just received an email containing a link to this video:

The email contained only these words:

Let me know if you’d like to talk.

The email address had the first and last name of a woman I haven’t seen or heard from in more than two years. Continue Reading

Facebook is a great place to be reminded of people you had happily forgotten. For example, I recently received a message from this girl I’d known years and years ago. (Like, when I was 8 years old) She’d apparently gone on a friend-anybody-I-remember-talking-to rampage and had decided to “reconnect” with me. Fair enough.

She asks me about how I’m doing, what I’d been up to, and what I was reading. It just so happened that I’d visited my parents the previous day and flipped through a copy of Martha Stewart Living my mom had left out. There was an image in the magazine of two kids with plaster masks playing in the woods. I have fantastic memories of tromping through the woods with my sister as kids.

So I mentioned this to my new Facebook friend-finder and was taken aback by her response:

She: Umm Martha Stewart?? masks??? are you gay?

Continue Reading

Remember that old line about girls being sugar, spice, and everything nice? Elizabeth Lambert saw that societal mold coming and extended one of her long, muscular legs for a perfect trip. How? By playing soccer like a boy:

(If you ask me, the ponytail maneuver was pretty bold. She didn’t get a yellow card for that though. Not condoning her actions, but I love her pep and think the Refs were sleeping.)

Most guys aren’t interested in dating women like Elizabeth, Condoleezza, Hillary, or Michelle. Why? Because strong women with talent, focus, and goals are intimidating to those who aren’t so well equipped. Not just to men, but to people in general. It’s not just that men are avoiding strong women. Guys tend to avoid spending time with other guys who are much smarter, stronger, or somehow better-equipped than they are. Continue Reading