There are many lists of suggested presents for “that person” in your life this holiday season. I don’t have one. If you are interested in discovering gifts that bring the most satisfaction to the recipient, this is for you.
The trick is to give presents that provide sustainable value beyond the money and effort put into the gift.
When you’re deciding on a gift for a SigOt, consider the following:
- Does this gift reflect how well I know the recipient? Grandparents are infamous for taking this idea to a particular extreme by giving things like underwear and socks. Sure, you might need them, but do you really want to receive them as a gift? Probably not. Be conscious of what is functional and what is practical. Do what you can to avoid the latter unless you’ve been asked specifically for something.
- Will this gift tell the recipient how much I appreciate them multiple times? Admit it, when we give a gift it’s nice to be recognized for our action. There are few things more satisfying than observing a recipient”s reaction to a well-planned present. Make your SigOt’s day for many days to come with a present that has lasting quality! For example, if she has always liked horses, giving her a Clydesdale sculpted out of ice is really lovely but buying her riding lessons at a nearby stable will earn you continuous credit.
- Does this gift place an innacurate value on my relationship with the recipient? Make a quick note of where you stand in your relationship and hold it in your mind. Are you purchasing a bathrobe for the woman you tell others you’d give your life for? Is the woman you’re buying the tennis bracelet for a brand new girlfriend?In the first instance, you are assuming an extremely low value on the relationship and probably deserve the doghouse. In the second, you’ve put a lot of value on a relationship headed in a direction you can’t possibly know yet!
Use this as a starting point, not an endgame. Only you know all the details needed to choose a gift that will provide lasting value for her! The vacuum cleaner has long been on the list of taboo Christmas gifts for a woman, yet I know many who would love a Kitchen Aid mixer!
Avoid gifts she’ll respond to with “Did you give me this because you think I’m fat/stupid/dirty/smelly/old/or unfashionable?” This includes gym memberships or equipment, those horrible “bath sets,” gift certificates for wrinkle treatment, and makeover sessions.
In these tight times, you might not be able to buy your long-time love that beautiful necklace. But you could agree to wholeheartedly give up an argument you’ve been stubborn about. You might not have the funds to take your new girlfriend skiing for the weekend, but you could plan a fun day together. In the land of relationships, creativity and passion will always be king.
That said, be ready to receive some ill-considered presents this holiday season. Your grandparents might give you their 1960′s era Kelvinator fridge because they heard you need one. Your girlfriend might actually buy you a paisley tie. Remember, when you react badly to a gift, you are saying that you don’t care for the best efforts of the giver. Be careful with that!
How are you giving differently this holiday season?
Best to you!
Seth
Photo by Redjar
23 Comments
After years of giving each other EXACTLY what had been requested, I finally got my late husband’s family to each make a list of at least 5-10 things they would like. That way, everyone was assured of getting something they liked, while still being surprised.
The other thing about giving an expensive gift to someone new is that you could send up warning flags. Maybe you’re rushing things, or maybe you’re not good at knowing what’s appropriate, too interested in showing off your income generating abilities, or not careful enough with your cash/credit. That can be spooky.
PS:
The difference between a vacuum and a Kitchen Aid mixer is that the vacuum is associated with drudgery. If you enjoy cooking, getting a Kitchen Aid mixer is like getting the Ferrari of mixers – it’s a gadget thing, not a drudgery thing.
Absolutely great tips! I actually realized years later as a grown up, how important and great a gift of underwear really was
Robyn: I’m sorry about your loss. I think it’s awesome that you’ve brought some of the intrigue and suspense back into your holiday gift-giving tradition though! Thanks for the caution about giving an expensive present too early in a relationship! Spooky indeed.
Bobby: Yes. Giving underwear as a present takes on a whole new meaning as an adult. I’ll have to post on that, I suppose? =)
Best to you!
Seth
Seth you have been around the block a bit or are graced with great wisdom. I unfortunately had to learn the hard way on gift giving, but more importantly on gift receiving.
Thanks for following me on twitter, this may just be the best “refresher course on giving” I needed to get again.
AZMike
This is a thoughtful post. I’ve just recently reminded myself of the difference between gifts and presents. It’s so easy to get caught up in all of the craziness and lose sight of things this time of year. To me, a gift is a voluntary act which does not require anything in return, no expectations. Something you want to give someone else out of kindness, with thought behind it. A present is expected and something you typically give out of obligation, such as a birthday present or a Christmas name draw, or exchanging presents, etc.{That’s not to say that one doesn’t put thought into a present}.
I’m glad I came across your blog {from you following me on Twitter}.