Comments on: Being Present: Giving Gifts

By: zechariahaloysius

zechariahaloysius — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 20:47:58 +0000

Seth, I hate gifts that are simply purchased. The best gifts are those that people have thought about. I value a home cooked meal, a hug, and a massage more than any material possession. Moving away from purchased gifts would be a wonderful trend and also bring out the creativity in people.

By: Seth

Seth — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:46:09 +0000

Azmike: Oh, don’t think for a second that I didn’t get beat up before I got to where I am. I’m just as guilty of giving ridiculous presents as the next guy. I’ve made a point to learn from the disappointed looks and sideways glances at ill-considered gifts and make better decisions the next time around. It’s a journey!

Mrs. Cox: Thanks for visiting! You’re right. It is so very easy to get caught up in the craziness and forget what the gifts are supposed to be about. Just because a holiday has been commercialized beyond what we’d like is no reason to neglect thoughtful and passionate participation!

Best to you!

Seth

By: Mrs. Cox

Mrs. Cox — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 15:30:47 +0000

This is a thoughtful post. I’ve just recently reminded myself of the difference between gifts and presents. It’s so easy to get caught up in all of the craziness and lose sight of things this time of year. To me, a gift is a voluntary act which does not require anything in return, no expectations. Something you want to give someone else out of kindness, with thought behind it. A present is expected and something you typically give out of obligation, such as a birthday present or a Christmas name draw, or exchanging presents, etc.{That’s not to say that one doesn’t put thought into a present}.

I’m glad I came across your blog {from you following me on Twitter}.

By: AZMike

AZMike — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 05:39:45 +0000

Seth you have been around the block a bit or are graced with great wisdom. I unfortunately had to learn the hard way on gift giving, but more importantly on gift receiving.

Thanks for following me on twitter, this may just be the best “refresher course on giving” I needed to get again.

AZMike

By: Seth

Seth — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 21:30:44 +0000

Robyn: I’m sorry about your loss. I think it’s awesome that you’ve brought some of the intrigue and suspense back into your holiday gift-giving tradition though! Thanks for the caution about giving an expensive present too early in a relationship! Spooky indeed.

Bobby: Yes. Giving underwear as a present takes on a whole new meaning as an adult. I’ll have to post on that, I suppose? =)

Best to you!

Seth

By: bobby

bobby — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 00:13:51 +0000

Absolutely great tips! I actually realized years later as a grown up, how important and great a gift of underwear really was

By: Robyn

Robyn — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 23:35:55 +0000

After years of giving each other EXACTLY what had been requested, I finally got my late husband’s family to each make a list of at least 5-10 things they would like. That way, everyone was assured of getting something they liked, while still being surprised.

The other thing about giving an expensive gift to someone new is that you could send up warning flags. Maybe you’re rushing things, or maybe you’re not good at knowing what’s appropriate, too interested in showing off your income generating abilities, or not careful enough with your cash/credit. That can be spooky.

PS:
The difference between a vacuum and a Kitchen Aid mixer is that the vacuum is associated with drudgery. If you enjoy cooking, getting a Kitchen Aid mixer is like getting the Ferrari of mixers – it’s a gadget thing, not a drudgery thing.

By: Seth

Seth — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 23:20:06 +0000

Hammer: There’s only one thing I’d add to what you present as the optimal way for one partner to approach another when it comes to single-interest activities: when two people deeply respect each other and place themselves in a position to accept or deny “permission” careful navigation is a must!

I would hope that Alisa wasn’t misusing her partner’s respect by saying “no” to the ski trip for petty or mindless reasons. This scenario comes up often in relationships when partners use sex as a weapon against each other. But that’s an entire post of it’s own!

Hi Juliet! Yes! Giving a gift that is really just something you’d like isn’t a gift at all. It does not matter how expensive a present is if you’ve not put thought into choosing it.

Best to you!

Seth

By: Juliet Easton

Juliet Easton — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 22:59:11 +0000

Great article, Seth! Cool thing is that your suggestions are great even if you don’t have an SigOt in your life a the moment – they are great for gifts for friends and family also and for anytime, not just Christmas.

Just want to add that one gift that should always be avoided is the gift that is really for you, not the recipient! I just loved it when my kids’ dad gave me power tools for Christmas when we were married- NOT!

By: Hammer

Hammer — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 22:58:15 +0000

I absolutely take issue with the word permission. She says that it wasn’t because the trip was expensive and cool. I think that this whole premise of asking is ridiculous to begin with. He should TELL her that he’s going on a ski trip and ASK her if she would like to come along.