Cheaters aren’t born, they’re made. Are you making one out of your man? He may not be cheating. He might never cheat (some are better at committing than others). But that doesn’t mean he won’t resent you and look for love in other places. Here are 7 reasons you might be pushing your man to reassess his options.

1. You’re boring in bed

You don’t have to be a wild sex tigress with super flexibility who knows thousands of positions to be interesting in bed. You just need to know how to create an atmosphere of intimacy when you want to. Remember when you first met your man and all you had to do to get him hard was breathe on his neck? Not anymore. You go through the motions of sex but you don’t care. Your man might not be able to get a woman with a better body, but he can certainly find one who cares enough to make him feel noticed. She might be chubby but she’ll make him feel goooood. When was the last time you tried to make your man feel gooood?

2. You never give him that smile

You know, flirting? That thing you did when you first met? Flirting is a fun, sexy form of communication that you can do anywhere to remind your man that he’s your choice. Flirting is also an easy way of letting the women around you know that you keep your man interested and that they need not apply. However, judging by your behavior, you don’t really seem to care if they do try for him… do you?

3. You criticize him constantly

Do you have any idea how many orgasms you’ve missed out on because you bit your man’s head off as soon as he walked in the door over something as stupid as a carton of milk? Nobody likes to be criticized constantly. If you think your man is supposed to be perfect, you signed up for the wrong shift. He’s not perfect. He forgets, he’s lazy, he loses focus. Are you really interested in making him feel like you’re always judging him? If you do, he’ll run. He might not cheat, but he’ll certainly close himself off to you.

4. You’re a slob around the house

Now that you’ve been in relationship for awhile, you’ve decided it’s okay to dress like a colorblind hobo when you’re with your man. Is it really so much extra effort to put on a cute outfit instead of those ratty old sweatpants? Jeans and a cute t-shirt take the same amount of time to put on as your pyjama pants when you get out of the shower. You DO shower, don’t you? If you don’t have a perfume you really like, get one. He’ll memorize the scent and associate it with being near you and whatever that entails. There’s a lot of power in scent. Put it to your advantage or watch him end up with a woman who uses a nice-smelling bath soap.

5. You expect him to care about your relationship with your mother

He doesn’t. The best man in the world will smile, nod, and respond at appropriate points in conversation. But he doesn’t care. Bringing up your mother just makes you seem more like her and unless she’s a magnificent woman, you don’t want that (especially if she’s single).

6. You expect him to be on the same wavelength as you

He’s not. When you got mad at him for going out for drinks with his friends because he was supposed to instinctively know that you wanted to spend time together? That just made you look like an angry tramp. Communicate. Communicate clearly. Communicate in writing. Communicate multiple times if necessary in order to make sure he knows what you want. This doesn’t mean he’s stupid or doesn’t care about you. It means he’s probably a bit less organized than you and has a lot on his plate. Expecting him to know what you want without you clearly telling him will make your relationship feel like a series of mind games. Men cheat on women who play needless mind games.

7. You disrespect his friends

They were there before you and they’ll be there after you. Don’t blame him for his friends’ behavior. They belong in his world just as much as you do. Sure, he might have abandoned them a bit when you first met, but it’s back to real life now. He needs time with them just as he needs time with you if he wants to feel fulfillment in his life. He’s not going to leave his friends for you, but he might leave you for his friends. Don’t push.

Sure, there are many exceptions to any rule when it comes to relationships. You might do all the above and think your relationship is fine. But is it? We all want to be the exception. Why not make sure these 7 reasons don’t apply to your relationship and make it an exceptional one? I hope you do!

Simon

Image: Carlo Nicora

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Every person I’ve ever loved has left me – by their own volition or by my pushing them away.  The feeling that I’ll never quite live up is woven through the fiber of my being, causing doubt and fear to sweep in and take over. I end up like a turtle, hiding in my shell wishing life weren’t like this and wondering why me?

Instead of turning to the tried and true wine + cigarettes, I find new ways to pull myself out of these days of darkness, because they always seem to creep up on me when I’m least expecting it. Here are a few of my favorite suggestions for what to do when he leaves:

• Retail Therapy: I’m not advocating spending $3,000 in a day (although it can be – and has been -  done), but more the act of window shopping and buying yourself one thing that makes you happy. I’m a tactile person, so perusing bright accessories and feeling different surfaces makes me happy. Mint Julep always has fun stuff and Michael’s Crafts is always a great place to spend time, which brings me to my next solution…
• Scrapbook! Dorky? I suppose so. Excellent way to get your mind off things while being creative and accomplishing something? Absolutely!  Scrapbooking is a release for me, it makes me feel useful – like I’m finally doing something with all those pictures that are just sitting around.  It’s also satisfying to peruse the finished product. www.addictedtoscrapbooking.com has fantastic supplies and great sales, and the most comprehensive shop you could imagine. My favorite supplies are by Anna Griffin.
• Exercise: This is a tough one. When you’re down the last thing you want to do is go for a run or jump on the treadmill.  I won’t wax poetic about how the endorphins make you feel happier, blah, blah, blah…Just do it. Or do something that you wouldn’t necessarily consider exercise, like go canoeing or walk the dog. What to do when he leaves? Make an exit yourself and go see some of the world you live in!
• Read a book: I’m as obsessed with books as I am with shoes. Really. Which means I have more books than a person could imagine. There is something about the feel of the paper, curling up in my cashmere blanket with my cat and a glass of wine, losing myself in the story that is so comforting. A few of my faves for days like these are: The Stephanie Plum Series (holy HILARIOUS), anything by Elin Hildebrand (cause sometimes a girl just has to cry it out) or a good mystery, preferably by Dan Brown or William Martin.

Now, I’m sure some of you are thinking that instead of finding ways to emerge from the gloom, I should attack the real issue: pushing people out of my life. I agree.  But that’s a post for another day.  Or maybe a whole ‘nother blog in itself.  I’m working on it. And I have a pretty great guy who’s helping (no, not Seth, although he’s helping in his own right).

What about you? Have you been left? I’ve shared what I do when he leaves. (Fingers crossed that this one will work out!) What have you done to get your smile back in spite of the pain? I’d appreciate your insight!

Until next time,

Emma

Image: arwen

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Here’s my story:

Smoke curling from the ashtray. Half empty glass of red. Cold rain soaking the window sills. Wrapped in my cashmere blanket. Tears mingling with apricot lip gloss. David Gray’s “We’re Not Right”. Hands shaking. How could he? How could I not have known?

The cheap panties on the floor. Him, startled by my barging in. Her, soothing him with “it’s ok” and a smug smile that shined in the darkness.  My pulling him into the bathroom, demanding what was going on. Him, “nothing”. My pulling at his boxers, looking for what? Any sort of evidence, I suppose. Him pulling away. Then walking away. Me following, “If you love me, you’ll come with me now.” His silence. Her soft laugh. Him walking toward her. My pulling his arm. Him pulling away. The stinging slap. Backing toward the door. Running down the stairs. Throwing up in the bushes.

I’ll never forget that night nor the hell I put myself through for 6 months after. Taking him back. The lies. The drama. The sleuthing. The abuse. The fear. The anger, sadness, embarrassment, pain. Drunken nights. And days. Endless cigarettes. The sickness. Convincing myself that he loved me. That it was my fault. That I would die without him. So I existed. I didn’t live. Or love. Or care. I existed. Wasting away, fueled by cigarettes, wine and caffeine. Indulging in promiscuity. Excusing the abuse. Drifting in and out of the reality I somehow allowed my pain to create.

But there was still hope.

The summer bloomed fresh and shiny that year. Glorious sunshine beamed into my room and woke me from fitful tossing and turning. Warm breeze whispered along my collarbone as I stood on the lawn. I had made it, somehow, through the winter.For the first time in a long time, I felt alive. It was fleeting, but it was real. And it gave me hope. It unclouded my vision. I was lucky to have the good fortune to move away, closer to my family, and start anew. The fresh and new start allowed me to regain the strength I had known as a little girl – the belief I could face anything. I began to nourish my body again with food. I quit smoking. I resumed yoga and meditation.I’d like to say I had an “ah-ha” moment, but I didn’t. Somehow, in my soul, I just knew. So I moved forward, slowly. In time, I healed.

I struggled, but eventually pulled myself out of it. I walked. He stalked. Flowers at my door. Incessant calls to my cell, my home, my office. Showing up unannounced. Changed my number. Moved. Finally, it stopped.

It’s been over 6 years. I thought I was over it. I know I’m over him, I was over him that night. It’s the fear. The distrust. It’s stayed and haunted me. Most days, I don’t even think about it. But it creeps its way in and invades my inner calm. It starts as a low rumble and slowly takes over and soon, I’m that shaking, scared girl again, believing I’m not good enough and the new guy will certainly cheat. He’ll walk – run – at any time. How do I keep him? What can I do to be the perfect one? Near desperation sets in – I’m never good enough.

Am I scarred forever? Will I never trust? Even with the man who’s given me nothing but love? Or will I always wonder?

I ask myself a lot of questions and, at some level, I know I won’t ever have all the answers. I am certain of a few things though:

• Loving yourself is the key to loving another - Never ever will you be able to fully open your heart until you can look inward and respect what you see. Spend some quality time with yourself. (You can start out with a trusted friend who knows the value of silence and work up to time alone if need be.) Figure out what makes you–just you–happy, excited, intrigued, and even sad. As you regain touch with yourself and discover that your emotions need not be controlled by others, the fear of connecting with a new person slowly fades.
• Get over one habit by getting under another – I know the original phrase is a bit lewd, but the updated version makes a lot of sense! Here’s how to do it: Choose something you’ve always thought about doing and use the shake-up in your life to inspire your dedication to the new habit. Get up early every morning, work out every day, (great for feeling better!) learn a new language or meet up with friends for dinner every Thursday. It’s up to you! If you need to start with something very simple (I know I did) try washing the dishes ever night before you go to bed. Waking to an empty sink is a small reminder that yes, you actually did something useful the previous day. It helps!
• Don’t expect everything to happen at once – Remember how quickly things fell together in your last relationship? Don’t expect such swift trust in the future. It’s okay to take time and really learn about others before you give them your trust. If your new man really wants to be with you, he’ll be okay with waiting for you to make certain that you want the relationship as well. The real keepers are good about waiting. =)

And what about forgiveness? Should I have simply forgiven and forgotten? That will have to wait for a future article.

Have you ever had a partner cheat on you? What was your response? Would you be willing to share one of the things you learned with me? I’d appreciate it!

Love, Emma

Photo: Stephen Brace, christyscherrer

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Note: Post updated 9.16.2009

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Hi! I’ve (Seth) decided to begin answering relationship questions more often here on The Dating Papers. Some, like the one in this post, might fall into an area where you have experience and/or expertise. If that’s the case, please, please chime in with your thoughts and advice. All I ask is that you maximize positive support and minimize judgement. None of us know each other well enough to criticize effectively but our humanity should be reason enough to empathize as best we can.

I’ll post questions as they’re sent in (a few at a time if need be) in the hope that we can offer some real-life advice and support to those readers who take the time to reach out. I’ll contact the individuals who submitted questions as posts go live in the hope that they’ll take a moment to read and perhaps give some more context to their questions. Obviously, I can’t make any promises. I’m hopeful that this will be a positive experience for everyone involved. Thanks for your efforts to prove my hope worthwhile!

Now, for the question!
Joe wrote in:

I am currently comming out of a 7 year marriage, were the decision to end it was a mutual decision. We both have just come to the conclusion that we are not right for each other. Yet at the same time I can’t seem to get over things with her. We have not even signed the papers yet she is allready dating one of her friends. I don’t want her back, but I can’t seem to let go of the idea that she is dating someone else so soon and a friend of ours on top of that. Well ex friend for me now.

Hi Joe,

You’ve put 7 years of your life into a relationship with this woman. A mutual decision to formally end your relationship doesn’t lessen the time invested nor make it easy to see her moving on so quickly! I can’t imagine the brackish rush of emotions you’re experiencing at any given moment. What I can do is offer you a few simple thoughts and put your question to some readers who have experienced a divorce (perhaps recently) and can offer you some personal encouragement!

First, you’re in a time of great transition. Don’t expect to find a happiness solution overnight or grow despondent because you occasional grovel in despair or self-loathing. You’re most likely experiencing a lot of different emotions. Go ahead and feel them. Experience them. Then set them aside.

How can you do that? The best way to push away your unhappiness and confusion is to help others bring sense to their own lives. Volunteer for a local homeless shelter or soup kitchen. If you live in the city and know people who struggle to make ends meet, spend some time helping them! In helping others, it’s often that we discover the simplest way to help ourselves. It also seems to put things in better perspective when we are in close proximity to the suffering and strength of others. Get close to people who are struggling and work to help them.

At minimum, you’ll have less time to sit home and watch TV with your thoughts!

I could go on but I think I’ve given you a good starting point. I’d also like to let the readers sound in with their advice and support for you. Sound good? I hope so!

Reader, what advice do you have for Joe? I’m sending him an email shortly se he knows to swing by to read your answers. Thank you!

Note: Comment moderation is turned on. Once you’ve had a comment approved, subsequent comments will show up immediately. I apologize for the inconvenience and thank you again for your input!

Photo: Bichuas, cio de foto

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I’m sure everyone wonders if there’s something they could have said or done that would have turned the tide and stopped the breakup. In reality, there’s probably no one thing that could have saved the relationship. After all, relationships rarely fall apart because of isolated incidents.

Since I’m still friends with all three of these people, I’m able to tell them what I think of the time I was with them. For instance, what I feel about how the relationship progressed and how it ended. Strangely enough, while in the midst of a relationship, we don’t always feel so free to actually say some of the things we want to say.

I wonder if there are things I should warn a future partner about before we even start dating. The good things about me are fairly obvious straight away—probably the things that cause the attraction in the first place—but the ‘bad’ things often don’t show up until further into the relationship. If I was to warn someone of those more negative aspects of my personality, these would be some of the things I’d say

1. I can be needy.

To paraphrase one of my favourite movies, I’m the worst kind of woman: I’m high-maintenance, but I think I’m low maintenance. Let’s face it: in general, women are more emotionally needy than men. You need to give me a steady supply of attention. It doesn’t have to be flowers every day. Just regular reassurance with little things such as a hug, a kiss on the cheek, or a touch in passing to let me know you care, or a text message to let me know you’re thinking of me – even if you’re not. How needy I become is inversely proportional to how much of those bits of attention you give me.

2. I hate being left in the dark.

When you go into your ‘cave’ to think about things, I need to know if it’s about me. I don’t need to know all the details, I just need to know if I should be worried.

3. I often think it’s my fault.

If discussions with friends prove anything, I suspect that most women are wired this way. For some reason, I think that whenever you’re in a bad mood, it must have been something I did. When you’re grumpy, I feel as though it’s my responsibility to make you feel better. I have to consciously try to stop myself thinking that I’ve caused you to feel however it is that you’re feeling. I have to convince myself that I don’t need to make you feel better. Perhaps it’s an evolutionary thing; to be successful at nurturing, we need to feel responsible for the emotional state of the people closest to us.

4. Sometimes I’m insecure.

This is another thing with which most women seem to suffer. I consider that I have quite a healthy self-esteem; a much healthier self-esteem than most woman have, in fact. But when it comes to relationships, my expectations are much higher and when those expectations aren’t met, I feel insecure – much more insecure than I’m used to feeling. I wonder if those expectations are too high, but then, if this is the person you’re thinking of being with for a long, long time, isn’t it right that your expectations of them are greater than that of a friend?

If I did tell someone these things about myself, would they run a mile before the first date even occurred? Is it really better to know in advance?

Would you like to know these sort of things about someone you’re considering dating? Or would you prefer to just enjoy the pleasantness at the beginning and find out about the more difficult aspects of their personality as you get to know them? Are you with someone now whom you love to bits and pieces and you’d never want to leave them, but if you knew then what you know now, you might never have asked them out? If this was the case, you might have missed out on something wonderful, right?

Your thoughts? I’d like to know!

Photo credits: shareen, corie howell

4 Things You Should Know Before We Start Dating
————————————————————————————————-

I live in Brisbane, Australia. I’m a gadget freak, a greenie, a bit of a hippie Mum to one small boy, and a word geek. I try to be as environmentally friendly and ‘live and let live’ as possible – except when it comes to cockroaches.

Follow Coralie on Twitter or Check out her site!

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I believe
When it hurts
We must keep on trying
But I want, And I need
Like a river needs the rain
There’s a bridge I need to burn before I leave
I just wanna breathe again
Like a summer’s day I need to feel the heat again

Since we’re being honest with one another here, I may as well be straight – I love Cher. She’s fabulous. Yes, she dresses kinda ridiculously and her hair is freakishly straight, but her music speaks to me. Like belt-it-out-at-the-top-of-my-lungs type of speaks to me. It fills me with wonder and enthusiasm and most importantly, hope. Somehow, she makes me believe that after all the pain and suffering, I’ll be alive again.

So, it’s without surprise that when I’m jetting around town, I blast her greatest hits – be it in Betty (yes, my car has a name) or on my gams, it’s Cher all the way. On this particular day I was zipping around in Betty and with it being a nice day and all, I had the top down. I was blasting

singing like it was my day job at a stop light. Mid head-roll I glance over at the car beside me and the hottest guy is behind the wheel. Laughing. At me.

I mean smoldering hot – dark hair, dark eyes, white polo.

And I mean LAUGHING. Hearing Cher’s words - I know I’ll be alive again/I wanna be alive again – I thought “what else is there to do?” so I turned to Hot Stuff, winked and laughed.

The light turned green and I sped off, horribly embarrassed.

I was on my way to Neiman’s sale but needed an espresso frappuccino light first so I pulled into Starbucks, grabbed my clutch and ran in. While waiting for the barista to whip up my liquid cocaine, I felt a light tap on my shoulder.

Holy crap.

Hot Stuff was standing behind me, smiling. I felt the blush creep up my neck and spread across my face. “Although, the type of music leaves something to be desired, it’s nice to see a girl who can laugh at herself,” he said.

Breathe, Emma, breathe.

“Um, thanks. But have you listened to Cher, like really listened to her?” I retorted.

Seriously Emma, why did you just say that?!

“Can’t say I have,” said Hot Stuff.

“Oh, you should give it a listen”

Seriously? Stop. Talking. Now. “

Quad tall espresso frappuccino light” the barista called from the bar.

“Oh, that’s me. Great talking to you” I grabbed my drink and hightailed it out of there.

Thinking back, I wish I had been cool enough to say something incredibly smart or asked for his number. What I was able to do was more important then sounding cool. I was able to laugh. And while I thought about it, I realized, albeit slowly, I was becoming alive again. Thank you Cher, and Hot Stuff, for reminding me that there is life after love.

photo credit: desiree delgado

Finding life after love: “Alive again” from @emmafrisoni at The Dating Papers

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How do you survive a broken relationship and learn to move forward with your life? I asked Alternative Rock musician Chris Blake to share his recent break-up experience. You can read his story below and listen/download his latest song “Happiness”.

As most of my friends on Twitter know, I was recently forced to confront the break-up of my marriage.

Almost immediately, I began to wonder about the deep pain caused by the loss of a loved one.

What’s the point of feeling it if there’s nothing you can do about it? Why do we feel it if it gets in the way of making decisions that will ultimately make us happier?

I found myself Googling more questions, such as:

“Why do our hearts break?”

“Can you die from a broken heart?”

“Is emotional pain worse than physical pain?”

And then, I did what all songwriters do when faced with so many questions but not so many answers (sorry, Google): I wrote a song.

Listen to my song, “Happiness” and download it for free if you like it

I can’t say it provided any answers either, but it gave me something to work on when I didn’t have the heart to work on anything. And now, as I begin to reap the benefits of time and truly accept the break-up, my new life, and a revised family structure, I’ve got something I can show the world that goes beyond a few funny digs or philosophical ramblings on Twitter.

More importantly, I’ve got renewed faith in my ability to forge my own future. If I can write a song during a period of great grief, then perhaps I can go on to build other new things in my life as well.

Perhaps I did get some answers after all. I hope you enjoy the song! ~Chris

Time doesn’t heal all diseases, but it certainly  gives needed perspective. If you’re dealing with a break-up right now, here are a few reminders to help you make it through:

1. Allow your heart to break into a thousands of pieces – Only when you allow yourself to reach rock-bottom will you discover the clarity of feeling solid ground again. The thing you fear, when met, is what allows you to stand again. Embrace the sadness and experience it fully. Just like it’s possible to stay in bed until the prospect of more sleep seems an impossibility, throw yourself into the exquisite pain of your loss. You’ll grow tired of the pain more quickly than you’d expect.
2. Revive a previous passion – No, don’t start calling old girlfriends. We all have something we enjoyed before the relationship took first place. Think back to something that inspires you, excites you, and gives you satisfaction (if you can only think of your ex at this point, you haven’t allowed your heart to fully break yet) and put energy into bringing that joy back to life. You might not have the talent to create music like Chris (I know I don’t) but that shouldn’t stop you from pursuing your own satisfaction in a creative way.
3. Replace your failed relationship with a new habit – Instead of using your free time to mourn your loss, fill it up with something you’ve been “meaning to do” for awhile. Baumeister and his colleagues at FSU propose that forming a new habit is a very similar process to that of improving a muscle’s strength and stamina. Pick your new habit and work ferociously on improving in that area. You’ll soon find that you’re spending less time thinking about how to get over your ex and more time living your life.

What advice can you offer to other readers to help them survive a break-up? What helped you make it through those first weeks of pain? Did you ever write songs? Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

Also, if you have any words for Chris about his experience or “Happiness”, let him know in a comment. Thanks!

Share this post on Twitter!

photo: lg

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How do you stop impulsively sending texts, calling, and reconnecting with the ex’s who make you miserable?

“The Frown Brigade? There’s got to be a story behind this!” Said Mya, the wizardess helping me transfer phone numbers into a new phone.

“The Frown Brigade” was a group of numbers in my phone dedicated to all the ex’s I still spoke with on occasion. When I was feeling down, I would call one of them and always feel worse after our conversation.

Why don’t we call ex’s when we’re feeling great? Why not when things are going well and we don’t feel lonely?

You never call an ex when you’re feeling great. It’s always when you’re feeling low, drunk, sad, or miserable that you reach out to one. You know the situation. No matter what your ex is doing when she picks up the phone, it sounds amazing compared to your life.

Case in point: One solitary evening about 2 years ago. I was sitting on the couch, being miserable and lonely. All my friends were busy so I called HER.

Me: “Hi, it’s Seth.”
HER: “I know, Seth, what’s up? Are you okay?” (She was asking out of common courtesy. Of course, I took her question to mean that she still cared).
Me: “I’m good. You know, been busy. What have you been up to?”
Her: “Oh, that’s good to hear! I’m really glad, Seth. I’ve got to go though. I’m making a peanut butter sandwich. I’m glad you called!”
::beep::

At first, I was angry at the peanut butter sandwich for being more interesting and sexy than me. Then I realized that my ex had simply dealt with me politely and moved on with her evening. I wanted to know how to do that.

After many workouts, countless conversations with honest friends and willing strangers, and a few mishaps: Here are five concepts I have successfully used to alleviate the powers of an ex. (These won’t work as well for you amazing creatures called single parents, I’m sorry)

1. Accept that getting over an ex can be an incredibly painful experience.

The more fully you can accept each part of the task you face, the better you’ll be at handling the low points and failures you encounter in the  process. Getting over the heartache of a failed relationship is hard work.

You’ll need to enlist the help of friends, family, perhaps even a few strangers to get through this difficult time. It’s okay to ask for help. We’ve all been in your shoes and suffered with feelings remarkably similar to the ones you’re feeling right now.

**a quick note on the Dude Rule about crying: Guys, it’s okay to cry around your friends if you’re torn up about losing a girl. Just don’t do it in public and don’t do it more than once around the same friends.**

2. Remove any trace of contact information.

Delete the phone numbers. Block her on every social media platform you can. (Facebook, etc) Think of it as taking all the crack out of your house. You want to get over the addiction, don’t store crack in your house and don’t keep an ex’s phone number! If you truly want to get over your ex, you need to first convince yourself that it’s something you want to do. The physical action of removing contact information is a big step but it’s necessary if you want to begin the healing process.

3. Set up your own “Phone a Friend” lifeline.

If you want to lose weight, it’s important to have healthy food around your house so it’s easy to choose good food instead of the greasy stuff. The same rule (that of having healthy choices) applies to getting over an ex! Find a friend who will commit to talking you “away from the edge” whenever you get the urge to contact your ex. Having a healthy alternative to contacting your ex means picking up the phone when you’re sad isn’t a bad thing. You were just going to call your friend, right? Riiiight?

When you’re healed and happy, make sure you take time to show your friend how much you appreciate the help!

4. Do not let your ex make you fat.

Increase your level of exercise immediately following a break up. I once committed to adding an hour to my workout each time I called a particular ex. We’ll call her The Dragon for convenience. After working out for 5 hours following one evening of weakness, I was ready to move on with my life…slowly and painfully. After a few weeks of intense workouts, I was faster, thinner, and sleeping through the night. I also had more confidence and energy.

When you’re faster, thinner, and sleeping well, you’ll find it’s much, much easier to meet new people who make you smile. Don’t worry about those people now, though. Just focus on putting one foot in front of the other. You’ll make it!

5. Stop waiting to get over your ex.

I have sat alone for days, moping like a scorned princess in a tower, and it did not make me happy. When I realized that I should be celebrating my release from something that was making me unhappy, I was able to move forward. Go ahead and mourn for awhile, but do not let the goblin of your failed relationship gnaw on your smile. You had a life before you met your ex. Remember it? You had fun then. You smiled. You spent time with friends and laughed at little things.

————————————————————————————————————–

Everybody in the small wireless store had stopped to listen to my conversation with Mya.

“Shall I transfer all the numbers but these, then?” She asked.

“Yes,” I agreed. “I think I’ll be just fine without them.”

And I was.

I wish you all the best as you move away from the relationships that drag you down. It can be a fierce battle, I know. But if you make a decision to rid your life of the people who drag you down and enlist your friends to help, you will triumph!

Have you found something that has served you well in getting over an ex? Please share in a comment for others to learn from. Thank you!

Seth

Further reading: What to do when he leaves

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How to get over your ex

Photo credits: ahmed, the half-blood prince

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1. 10 Bastardly Break-Up’s
2. What To Do When He Leaves
3. Finding Life After Love