Note: Have a question about romance, love, sex, or relationships that you’d like to have answered in an upcoming article? Click here to submit your question.

Waiting Longingly wrote in with this question. Well, a story and a question:

There is this girl i met last semester. I saw her while we were in a study room of 4, my friend and i, and the girl and her friend. I started developing a genuine interest in her and just could not resist her. We are at the same University, she is a freshman and i am a sophomore,anyways, since that day when we all met at the study room, each time i run into her, i just hug her, ask her how she is doing, and go my way.

I am a very shy person, so i was extremely nervous each time i saw her, and as much as i tried to control my nerves, it just would get the better of me.But as i said, each time i saw her i hugged her, and we just had brief chats and i went my way.That was towards the end of last semester, so we ran into each other about 3 times since we have different schedules.Anyways, so at the start of this semester, i saw her on the first day of school, together with her friend, we hugged, i wished them a happy new year, and went to class because i was in a hurry.

A day later, my friend told me he saw her, and while they were talking, she asked him how i was doing. A week after that i saw her together with her friend at the school caffeteria, but to my utter suprise, she first made like she didn’t see me, then just said hi and continued talking with her friend. Then 2 hours after, i ran into her again, this time with her friend, and hugged them both, i asked her how she was doing, and she said, she’s ok. But the snub at the caffeteria left me downbeat, and discouraged to even initiate more conversation.

Anyway i want to know what mistakes i might have made, and if i still have a chance of still getting her, and if so, how do i go about, trying to get her number, and hanging out with her, and hopefully having her as my girlfriend eventually.Another minor obstacle is that, each time i run into her she is with her friend and it is hard to initiate a conversation with a girl in such situations.Then yesterday, i met her friend and was talking to her, but she did not sound interested in the conversation as she used too.Please i really need advice on this situation Thanks!

Waiting Longingly

WL, that was quite a long explanation. Unless this girl likes reading Russian novels, you’ll not do well in attempting written correspondence with her. Anyway, you say you’re a shy dude and yet you walked up to this girl, said hello, and dished the physical in prompt form. That, my unwary friend, is not the sign of shyness. Your problem doesn’t seem to be shyness. If anything, you’ve been too friendly around this girl.

What do I mean by that? It’s very simple. If you like a girl, and you seemed to like this one initially, then you pay her more attention than you do anybody or anything around her. Are you supposed to be polite to her friends? Yes. Are you supposed to initiate physical contact with her friends? No! But you did, WL. You went and hugged all over her friends and met up with them and gave them loving you should have reserved for your one and only.

If you walk up to her now and ask her out, you know what she’ll most likely say? “oooh, WL, that’s really sweet of you but I value your friendship a LOT and I wouldn’t want to risk losing that by dating.” Unless you like the sound of that, it’s probably time you moved on. The world is full of women for you to hug, WL. Just make sure you’re only hugging one until she gives you explicit instructions to do otherwise.

Blue With Fear wrote in with an amazing situation:

Hi Simon, an ex I haven’t seen in 2 years recently sent me a prepaid cellphone via FedEx with minutes on it and a note that said “call me” and included a phone number and her name. What am I supposed to do? I don’t really miss her. I suppose she might have found out I was getting a divorce because I was slow in changing my Facebook settings. Otherwise, I’m not sure what she’s up to or what I should do about this. Help!

BWF, if a woman sent me a burner phone with minutes on it and I had no interest in calling her, you know what I’d do? I’d call my mother, talk until the minutes were up, and move on with my life. I don’t call my mother often enough and I know she’d appreciate the gesture. Of course, there’s a possibility that your ex has rigged the phone to explode when her number is dialed and calling her will leave you maimed or dead. What’s worse, she might just want to get you on the phone so she can woo you back into her clutches.

But perhaps you were the douchebag and she was right to be rid of you. Perhaps she’s in a bad spot and you were the only person she could think to get in touch with and not risk another “I’m naked in front of this person for the first time” experience. Perhaps you’d be doing her a favor by keeping your evil self out of her life? That’s something only you can know for sure, BWF. I suggest calling your mother and getting on with your life.

Readers, feel free to add your thoughts if you like and don’t forget to submit a question of your own!

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There are few things more comforting in life than surrendering yourself to sleep in the arms of someone who loves you. If you’ve suddenly found yourself alone after being used to sharing your bed, the simple act of falling asleep can become a dreaded affair.

Still, you gotta sleep.

How To Sleep Alone – The Bed

Have you ever walked through the bedding department of your favorite home store, looked left, looked right, ignored the hidden security cameras and fallen with arms spread-eagle, onto the luxuriously inviting coordinated extra fluffy display bed?

Now, think about your bed. How does it compare?

If your mattress is poky, your winter blankets are out-of-the-storage-box musty and your linens are covered in scratchy pill, bed is the last place you want to go to relax.

A change of perspective can be as easy as flipping the mattress and changing the sheets. Maintain this feeling by taking a few moments to make up your bed before you leave your room in the morning. When it’s time for bed, you won’t need an invitation.

How To Sleep Alone – The Timing

While a set “bed time” might evoke thoughts of sticker charts and character clad toothbrushes, it’s not just for kids. The National Sleep Foundation suggests having a regular bedtime and waking time, even on weekends, “strengthens the circadian function and can help with sleep onset at night.”

Once your body is accustomed to a rhythm, it will naturally feel tired at the same time each day. Cell phone or email reminders are a very grown-up way to let you know that bedtime is approaching.

How To Sleep Alone – Getting It Done

The hardest part of going to bed alone is actually getting into bed. Do it. It’s one thing to stay awake in front of a computer in the living room, another to be laying in bed with your head on your fresh, soft pillow. One gives your body cues it should be sleeping, the other reminds you your Farmville creatures are starving.

Once you’re in bed, resist the urge to fiddle with your iPhone. Instead keep a simple notebook within arm’s reach in case you need to release some thoughts for an upcoming article, so that your mind can relax. Instead of counting sheep, think of positive things that happened in the last 12 hours. Smile.

Say goodnight to the mush (aff), and then lay still and relax each part of you starting at your feet.

Tomorrow is a new day.

About the author: Sarah said she’d follow her husband Tom to the ends of the earth. He called her bluff, and they moved from their house in Pennsylvania to live by the sea in northern Japan. They homeschool their five progeny, all born after 2001. She loves people, writes for fun and thinks about God constantly. You can find her blog at http://sarahjoyalbrecht.com or follow her @mrsalbrecht on Twitter.

Image: TAGG

How To Sleep Alone

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by Amelia Holzapfel

“There just aren’t any good men in this town.” Pouted my friend Ashley as we waited for our food to arrive. My response? The trick isn’t to find a “good man” but to find one who is real and figure out if you can learn to deal with his imperfections. Ashley needs a real man, I need a real man who only responds to my booty calls, and you?
Here are 12 signs the man you’ve found is a real man. It’s up to you what you do with him after you find him.

1. He’s Observant –

Not only will he see the man wearing a blue shirt in this photo, he’ll notice when you get your hair cut, wear a new outfit, or drop a pound or two. He’ll still notice other women. That’s okay. He notices pretty much everything. We all notice huge boobs, right? Don’t hate. He’s just being real with you.

2. He’s Got Tact –

He knows when to be silent. It’s great to have a man who knows how to say the right thing. That’s not as important as having a man who knows when to be silent and just hold you when you’ve had a shit day. A real man might not be able to woo your parents with thoughtful commentary but the worst they’ll think is that he’s quiet. Being quiet is a far better trait than being stupid. A real man tries not to be stupid when he can help it.

3. He’s Accepting –

If you’ve always wanted to pretend like you were Arielle from The Little Mermaid and have a handsome prince snatch your lithe self from the waves, a real man will play along because he knows it’s something you want. Of course, doing anything naked will make a real man more agreeable. Want to yell at him? Do it naked and he’ll be less likely to resent you for it.

4. He’s Flexible –

A real man might not be able to touch his own toes, let alone bend into a human pretzel. But he will be able to sleep on concrete, wear the same clothes for days, and survive for indefinite periods of time in beer and ramen noodles. Any man who says he couldn’t survive under the same conditions is either lying to appeal to your fair nose or is hiding a sex change. If he’s being real with you, he’ll admit to his, um, flexibility when it comes to lifestyle options. How is this good for you? A real man’s flexibility means he’ll be able to take your ups and downs, curves and flats, and wild ideas in stride. If a real man loves you, he’ll flex to you. That’s huge.

5. He Can Amuse Himself –

A real man doesn’t wait around for you to keep him company and make him laugh. He finds his own stuff to do. You might find everything he does to be entirely amusing or sanitary, but that’s not the point. A real man doesn’t expect you to love everything he does in pursuit of amusement. Goodness, be happy that he doesn’t look to you as his sole source of amusement! Be real with yourself for a moment: You’re probably not that interesting. Want a real man to stick with you? Encourage him to seek his own hobbies and amusements. This doesn’t mean you have to encourage him to belch out the American anthem during dinner out. What it does mean is that you don’t have to constantly worry about impressing or amusing him. He can find his own laughs sometimes.

6. He’s Confident –

He isn’t afraid to admit when he’s wrong or isn’t sure of things. Well, most of the time. If he thinks you’ll mock him or think less of him for not knowing something, he’ll try to gain time so he can figure things out. Remember how I said that a real man tries not to be stupid? That’s a benefit when it comes to avoiding embarrassment but also a downside when you’re trying to figure things out quickly.

Let a real man know you accept him, flaws included, and he’ll be better about admitting to those flaws. You have the power to make your man feel like shit or THE shit. A real man won’t expect you to coddle him but he’ll appreciate it and respond well when you take the time to let him know you think he’s awesome… mostly.

7. He Has A Sense Of Humor –

A real man knows how to take a joke and never takes himself too seriously.

8. He Takes Time For Himself –

A real man knows he needs time for himself to sort through things and just enjoy life. This comes in different forms for different men but suffice it to say that if you don’t let him have time for himself, he’ll go nuts on you. Learn to recognize when he’s built up a lot of mental tension and let him go. It’s not the sort of tension you can fix with a quickie (although that can help). A real man doesn’t need time alone because he hates you. He needs it so that he won’t learn to hate you. Let him have it.

9. He’s Compassionate –

A real man cares about others even if he doesn’t always show it. He might not run around trying to find people to help but if he sees somebody in need, a real man will almost always try to help. When you first start spending time with a real man he’ll often ask if he can do anything to help when you’re having a bad day.

Avoid telling him to leave you alone even if that’s what you really want. Doing so will make him feel like you don’t want his help. That’s a crusher. Give him something to do and smile when he does it. He’ll keep trying and trying and trying to make you happy. Real men are handy like that.

10. He’s True To His Word –

He’ll do everything in his power to keep his promises. Even if that means doing something idiotic like eating 50 eggs.

11. He’s Brave –

A real man isn’t afraid to try new things, take calculated risks, or jump headlong into crazy ideas. If he was, chances are he wouldn’t try a relationship with you. (Or me, I’ll admit to a bit of the crazy bug.) The only thing most real men are afraid of is losing the respect of the women they love. That might sound cheesy but I’ve seen enough men break down when I got bored of them to know it’s true.

12. He’s Patient –

A real man won’t try to force you to be with him. He’ll try to impress you and convince you that he’s worth your time, but he won’t force you to do anything. If you find a real man you won’t have to worry about unwanted groping, date rape, or worse. He’ll take the time to get to know you and take things at a speed you’re comfortable with.

A real man will wait for you to open your arms to him. If you find one, you’d best open them quickly before some smarter women comes along to claim him for herself. Don’t hate. As you’re well aware, it’s hard to find a real man these days.

Have you found a real man? Perhaps you have some traits of a real man to add from your personal experience? Let me know!

Images: Lou Varone, Borghetti, PurpleMattFish, BombDog, SlightlyNorth, Omnia Mutantur, A Pinna, PaulQi, Svenwerk, Vogfld

12 Signs You’ve Found A Real Man

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Who pays on the first date? I’ll tell you.

On a first date technically the person who asked should really pay. For me, this will always mean the guy because I will wait for him to ask. Honestly though, I’d prefer for the man to step up no matter what.

Which is not to say I expect that or don’t offer or won’t pay in the future. Every good female dater knows exactly how to handle this. In case you don’t know, let me explain…

The check comes. The woman should automatically reach for her purse and say something like “Let me help you with that.” This gives the man options. If he didn’t intend to pay the entire check, he can accept the offer without losing face or having to ask for money. If he did intend to pay, he can say “No, I’ve got this one.” The woman should then ask ONCE (and only once ladies) “Are you sure?” If he waffles at all, offer money. This next bit is important now. If he says he’s sure, look him directly in the eye and thank him for your meal.

This works on dates one and two. If a man picks up both of those checks you should corner the check and pay it in full on date three.

For the record, the second date is a gray area in the land of paying. I would gladly snatch a second date check… it all depends on the man and the dynamics of the date as to whether or not that is successful.

I do not believe that buying someone dinner means they owe you anything. Especially if said someone has offered to pull their own weight. And I wouldn’t allow anyone to guilt me into anything on those grounds.

Honestly, we’re dating not hooking. And the only way a man can convince you you owe him one is if you let him. Employ a little backbone against the jerks, and enjoy the chivalry of the gentlemen.

What’s your take? Who pays on your first dates?

Jane keeps a blog, Confessions of a One Date Wonder or Follow her updates on Twitter.

Image: Hamed Ma Soumi

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The Four Seasons of a Relationship

Spring - In the spring of a relationship, we experience the thrill of discovery, obsession, and emotional (and often, physical) penetration that precedes new growth and attachments. Springtime offers a mad rush of delightful sensations. Remember what it feels like to touch someone for the first time? The easy laughter when you got tangled in your own shirt?

Most of us are good at dealing with springtime in our relationships. We forget our past unhappiness and revel in rediscovered emotions. Springtime is easy.

Summer – In the summertime, we get into the nitty gritty of growing a relationship. We might have a few dry spells (you know what I’m talking about) and some scorching hot days (unless you’re both the silent types) but the majority of time is spent fostering real growth in the relationship. The first days of summer are much like those of a regular season. We rejoice in the rapid growth of the relationship and delight in continual discoveries as conversation runs deeper.

Summer isn’t all fun though. As the days wear on, we begin to realize the–sometimes crippling–truth that Summer never lasts forever. Do you remember the first time you realized you offended your partner but decided it wasn’t worth bringing up to apologize for? That was the last day of summer in your relationship.

Autumn – After the last day of summer, a relationship grows colder with each passing day. For those with intense personalities and a low tolerance for conflict, spring and summer may take just a few months and autumn signals the end of the relationship. For those who handle conflict with more aplomb or are simply able to tolerate more pain, autumn is just the next step in a relationship cycle stereotyped to always end with icy fingers.

This is the time when the tendency to “pick battles” crops up most often (I’ve watched myself do this many times). When confronted with inconsiderate behavior or thoughtless action, the summer self would have immediately shared its discontent and asked for change. Not so now that the leaves have changed. Autumn sees both partners choosing to stifle complaints and file away grievances because anything else might spell a brawl.

Winter – The dreaded winter is the most common season in long-term relationships. Most of my parents’ friends (the ones still together after 30 or more years) live in a constant state of winter. If you ask them about it, their answers are often full of resignation. It’s as if their Narnian state came about through some magic or surprise attack and not deliberate steps.

You know it’s winter in a relationship when partners have no shame in revealing their dislike for each other. Spring’s quick banter turns to icy javelin-throwing and tears are shed alone without explanation. Some people push through wintry days because they have children to care for, a job that takes them away often, or very limited financial options. Others plug away for happier reasons. They insist on there being a way to start a thaw that will cause springtime to return again.

Is there hope for people stuck in perpetual winter? Is there a way for two people who have made a habit of ignoring, hurting, and attacking each other to regain some long-lost joy?

I could offer some formulaic answer. I could throw words in your face as if I knew the answer to this question… but I don’t.

I’d appreciate your contribution. What can you tell me about saving a relationship?

Image: Mathew Fang, Pieter Musterd

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(If you ask me, the ponytail maneuver was pretty bold. She didn’t get a yellow card for that though. Not condoning her actions, but I love her pep and think the Refs were sleeping.)

Most guys aren’t interested in dating women like Elizabeth, Condoleezza, Hillary, or Michelle. Why? Because strong women with talent, focus, and goals are intimidating to those who aren’t so well equipped. Not just to men, but to people in general. It’s not just that men are avoiding strong women. Guys tend to avoid spending time with other guys who are much smarter, stronger, or somehow better-equipped than they are.

It’s a simple matter of the regular dude trying to avoid situations that will leave him feeling inadequate. In a first date scenario, most guys feel inadequate about something. Even the truly modern fellow who is well-educated, confident, and ready to treat any woman as his rightful equal gets nervous during the early stages of a relationship and will balk at the appearance of intellectual competition during a first or second date.

Your women’s studies professor (who may have been a male) probably told you that in order to be taken seriously you must be aggressive in letting the men around you know how much of an equal you are. If that approach is working out for you, fine. If it isn’t working so well–and this is my guess–you might do well to avoid thrashing your dates with punch lists of why you’re strong, confident, and a fantastic equal.

There are many other things that are important for a good relationship that can be discovered without being overly aggressive. If he turns out to be thoughtful, kind, funny, and quirky enough to be uniquely sexy, there’s a good chance he’ll be game to stay up late discussing the finer points of your thesis on Joan of Arc.

I have dated women who used both approaches:

Krista went through her equality punch list (even rattling off her SAT scores) and was disappointed with my lack of enthusiasm for her onslaught. In Krista’s case, I wasn’t intimidated. I just don’t care for such conversations during a first date. (I supposed I DID get to know her, though!)

Meaghan was different. I could tell she was classy by the way she carried herself. I could tell she was smart by the way she spoke and the words she used. I could tell she was confident when I went to pay the check (I typically go by the “I invite, I pay” rule) and she laughed me away with, “It’s okay, grandpa. I’ve got it this time.” Her joy for living and tremendous accomplishments in face of a terrible circumstances showed me amazing strength without ever having to say the words, “I am a strong woman.” Meaghan is my equal. Hell, Meaghan is better than me. I’m lucky to have her as a friend.

My point? If you are a strong, talented, and amazing woman, you don’t need to worry about the men who don’t want to date strong women. Let them hook up with the bimbos and get fat together. But you? Oh, wonderful creature, please don’t do yourself a disservice by trying to prove yourself to the men who are already happy to greet you as an equal.

Do you have anything to add? Leave me a comment!

Live ferociously!

Simon

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Why Men Don’t Want To Date Strong Women

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Never criticize a woman for…

1. Her Weight

The lightning isn’t striking any closer, your lady’s thighs just have some added thunder. You, being the observant kind of guy who will step over a pair of pants on the bedroom floor for three weeks but instantly notice every blemish on her body, feel compelled to make a comment. SHUT YOUR FACE. Seriously. Say nothing.

Here’s why I recommend silence when it comes to directly discussing her weight:

1. She already knows about the weight gain – Telling her that you noticed the change in her body won’t go over well…especially since you’re probably not good about noticing positive details.

2. It’s probably not something she wants – There’s a reason “Biggest Gainer” with Roseanne Barr as the outspoken eating coach is not a hit TV show. Most people would like to lose a bit of weight and chances are that your lady is feeling a bit frustrated and powerless over her body right now.

When you criticize her body, you criticize her at what can often be a very emotionally-charged and intensely personal level of her identity.

Not sure what I mean? Example: If she suggested that you try out a new penis-enl@rgement medication, how would you feel? C’mon! She’s just making a helpful suggestion about something she knows you’d like to change! Get my drift? Good.

2. Her Makeup

The only type of makeup you need to worry about is the kind you’ll need after she blackens your eye in response to a critique of her makeup.

You’ll need a liquid yellow-based (for black/blue bruise) or light green-based (for yellow/brown bruise – after the black &  blue has healed a bit) concealer as well as a concealer  that matches your normal skin tone.

Use your fingers to gently smooth a layer of the color-based concealer over your bruise and blend outward over a bit of the surrounding skin.

Once the first  coat is dry, apply a layer of your skin-tone concealer over the color-based one. If you want to get really snazzy, a good makeup brush (large circular one, not the fan-shaped or paint brush-like ones) with a bit of powder will help you look like more like a guy who knows when to keep his mouth shut.

(If she actually attacks you violently in response to a comment on her makeup, consider loving somebody else? In the meantime, the black-eye tip works great. Note it well, friend!)

3. Her Family

She didn’t choose the family she was born into (family of origin) and you don’t get a vote in picking the people she’s close to now. (family of choice) Vote NO on criticizing her family because, while you may find them to be all kinds of infuriating, they are a part of what makes her unique. Hate on what makes her unique and–you guessed it–you’re hating on her.

That’s just a dumb way to go about a relationship. (If you didn’t already learn it in college, do a quick search on family of origin vs. choice and get some knowledge!)

4. Her Fashion

Here’s a conversation that probably won’t get you into trouble:

You: “I can think of something that would look much better than that tramp sack you’re wearing.”
Her: “Yeah? What’s that?”
You: “The Michael Kors dress you’d wanted that’s sitting in a bag on your desk, obviously.”

But chances are you don’t know enough about her fashion sense to buy her something she’d really like. There’s also a very good chance that you don’t know much about fashion in general nor do you have a neatly-honed personal sense of style.

As such, it’s best to let her dress as she pleases and make a point to let her know that ‘You’re beautiful” doesn’t depend on what she’s wearing.

5. Her Mood

“Are you on your period?” = One of the quickest ways to push a conversation into idiot territory.

“You look tired” = An easy way to be taken off the “I’d sleep with him, given the chance” list.

“Why are you so grouchy?” = A great way to get an answer that will forever remind you not to ask that question again!

Just as it was with offering criticism to a woman because of her weight, criticising a woman directly because of her mood is a dangerous foray into stating the obvious.

She knows when she’s happy, sad, annoyed, angry, or apathetic. What she might not know is whether or not the things she tries to communicate to you are really making it into your brain. Instead telling her she’s been grouchy lately and you’re tired of it, why not ask her about her life and find out if there’s anything you can do to help reduce her stress level?

Any effort you put into clear communication will typically be rewarded by an improved relationship or the realization that it’s time to FedEx yourself to Uganda for a change in world view.

—————–

Summary: It’s unlikely that direct criticism of any particular aspect of a woman’s existence will result in anything less than an argument and hurt feelings.

—————–

Ladies, is there anything you’d like to add? A bit of criticism perhaps or a story that might illustrate a point more vividly than I was able? Thanks for your input!

If you enjoyed this article, a thumbs-up on Stumbleupon or sharing with your Twitter followers would be much appreciated!

photo: anita robicheau

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I first encountered the idea of a song incorporating a “message” when a friend of my father told me that rock music contained secret messages from Satan. I was 10 at the time and thought it was odd that Satan hadn’t chosen an older genre to share his message. Years later, I found out about another kind of musical message. Instead of grumbling in the background like beelzebub, this message was one of affection shared through normal songs grouped together into a mix.

If it weren’t for the message in the mix, would I have listened to 43 uninterrupted minutes of Mariah Carey with two versions of “You’ll always be my baby”? Of course not. I was listening because she, the one who burnt the CD and wrote my name on the cover with a sharpie, had said something with her choice of songs. (I later realized that if it takes a girl 43 minutes of Mariah Carey to say something, her conflict resolution style might leave something to be desired.)

Here’s where I need some help: In your experience, what are the best songs to say the following things?

1. I’m really glad to be here with you.
2. I’m sorry.
3. I like you a lot (the type that leads to conversations and buddy hugs)
4. Let’s do it!
5. I like you a lot (like, as in the type that leads to fluid exchanges)

If you’d like to add more messages or just explain what your favorite mix selections mean, that’d be great, too!

Update: Thanks to Melanie for making sense of the song order! =)

What are the best songs to play during a date?

Photo: julianne hyde, emma kate

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by Sarah Joy Albrecht

“Do I look fat in this dress?”

Next to being asked to get snipped, this is the dreaded question that men fear most from women.

How can he answer this loaded, Catch-22? If he answers “yes,” he’s in the doghouse. If he says “no,” he’s “not being honest” and God forbid a girlfriend points out the obvious during a trip the ladies’ room.

Believe it or not, my husband Tom and I have had a “do I look fat in this dress” pact since the beginning of our marriage, when I was healthy size eight.

Ten years, five kids and an abdominal myomectomy later, I was considering starting a reclaim-my-body exercise regimen and I asked my husband the dreaded question.

He ducked and dutifully answered in the affirmative.

I did not hit him.

“It’s okay for me to say that because you told me to be honest,” he said, peering through his fingers. “Remember the pact?!”

“Yes,” I replied, through clenched teeth. “I remember.”

Tom quickly promised me that I was lovely and desirable to him, and would continue to be, even if I didn’t lose a single inch from my waistline. He even gave me a flirtatious look that assured me he meant what he said.

“Make a list of things you need,” he said. He then funded my workout gear, even encouraging me to get the more expensive weight set so that it would be more durable.

On the occasions I’ve growled and hit “snooze” on my Japanese cell phone’s wake-up alarm, he’s even gone as far as saying “C’mon, love, put your feet on the tatami mat” when I don’t feel like to rolling out of my futon in the wee hours of the morning. (Although, in this case, I think it’s just a masked excuse to sadistically fling off my cozy blankets and watch me beg for mercy!)

Why am I happy, instead of offended, that Tom answered honestly? Because our pact has been the single most motivating item on my list of reasons for sticking with my exercise routine. I want to look my best for him, especially since he loves me even when I’m not my physical best. (Not to mention he’s been by my side through thick and thin while I gained those extra pounds.) Tom was honest and supportive both verbally and monetarily – without guilting me over the budget – when it mattered most. That’s love.

It is because we have the foundation of forever in place that we can be so frank with each other. He’s my bestfriendinthewholewideworld, and I’d rather hear it from him than anyone else.

Still wondering about having a potentially embarrassing pact with your significant other? Think of it this way: If you were at a restaurant, wouldn’t you want your closest friend to tell you that you have spinach stuck between your teeth?

I would!

Would you consider a “do I look fat in this?” pact or would you prefer your partner always insist that you’re the perfect weight? Let me know! =)

RT @datingpapers When Is It Okay to Tell Her She Looks Fat?

photo credit: fazen
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Sarah said she’d follow her husband Tom to the ends of the earth. He called her bluff, and they moved from their house in Pennsylvania to live by the sea in northern Japan. They homeschool their five progeny, all born after 2001. She loves people, writes for fun and thinks about God constantly. You can find her blog at http://sarahjoyalbrecht.com or follow her @mrsalbrecht on Twitter.

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Ladies, how would you respond if a guy you liked wrote and performed the following song for you?

I’m guessing you’d love it. Perhaps you’ve never played Mario Kart and have no idea about how much of a gift it is for somebody to take a blue shell for you. Chances are you might not dig silly yarn mustaches or even like guitars. Even so, you’d love it if a guy wrote and performed a song about how much he likes you in terms of Mario Kart. Right?

Guys, here’s why:

1. Because effort counts

Simply trying to make her happy counts for a lot. You don’t have to place your finger on the pulse of a woman’s soul in order to bring a smile to her face. Just be creative and put your heart into the effort. That said, building a 50ft tall statue of Vladimir Putin out of marshmallows in the name of love is just weird. A good rule of thumb is to keep it simple and as personal as possible. She’ll see how much you care!

2. Because embarrassment matters

“Putting yourself out there” counts for a lot in every relationship. Being vulnerable is scary stuff and it means a lot when you risk embarrassment in order to prove your affection for her. That said, if there’s a chance that she’ll be embarrassed as well, change your plans. There’s a difference between letting a woman know you care about her and singing a song at her birthday party about how good she is in bed. (Although I know a few women who’d love that.) Only throw caution to the wind where you’re sure it won’t blow right back into your face.

3. Because intent always wins

If your effort fails and you embarrass everybody involved, don’t worry. Intent has the final word. “I was only trying to make you happy,” if it’s genuine, is one of the only phrases in the English language that will earn you instant forgiveness for idiotic behavior.

You might not be talented, athletic, or even very creative. That’s okay. If she knows you at all, she’ll already know your limitations and appreciate the effort you’ve put into making her happy. Get out there and make some smiles!

Ladies, did you like the video? Has a guy ever done something really crazy just to show you he cared? Tell us about it!

Guys, when was the last time you risked life, limb, or pride to show a lady how much she meant to you? What did you do?

Thanks for sharing!

Seth

The Importance of Being Earnest | The Dating Papers

photo credit: ilovetrance

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