Comments on: A Gay Male’s Take on Dating a Person with HIV http://thedatingpapers.com/dating-a-person-with-hiv/ smart tips, better dates Fri, 30 Jul 2010 17:43:26 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: zechariah-aloysius hillyard http://thedatingpapers.com/dating-a-person-with-hiv/comment-page-1/#comment-14426 zechariah-aloysius hillyard Sun, 25 Apr 2010 17:24:03 +0000 http://thedatingpapers.com/?p=760#comment-14426 Dear Angie: If you're still out there (I hadn't realized I'd been published!), I appreciate your comments. I have many discussions these days about "sero-apartheid," a process of separating oneself from HIV positive people. Just because someone states they were tested and "clean" on a certain date doesn't mean that are not HIV positive. Moreover, it leads me to question both their personal insecurity and what behaviors they engage in between testing periods. Our statues (color, HIV, ethnicity) are important and choosing not to see them is a path away from acceptance. Genetically, there is no concept of race, however, we've built the concept and given it a strong amount of meaning that has resulted in murder, job loss, and a fear of dating people who appear different from one's constructed idea of what the ideal life-partner would look like--at the very least, we might miss out on a lot of good dates exploring people and their experiences. I am in agreement, as Marshall Rosenberg would say, that Evaluating, Diagnosing, and other tactics keep us from love. Dear Angie:

If you’re still out there (I hadn’t realized I’d been published!), I appreciate your comments. I have many discussions these days about “sero-apartheid,” a process of separating oneself from HIV positive people. Just because someone states they were tested and “clean” on a certain date doesn’t mean that are not HIV positive. Moreover, it leads me to question both their personal insecurity and what behaviors they engage in between testing periods.

Our statues (color, HIV, ethnicity) are important and choosing not to see them is a path away from acceptance. Genetically, there is no concept of race, however, we’ve built the concept and given it a strong amount of meaning that has resulted in murder, job loss, and a fear of dating people who appear different from one’s constructed idea of what the ideal life-partner would look like–at the very least, we might miss out on a lot of good dates exploring people and their experiences.

I am in agreement, as Marshall Rosenberg would say, that Evaluating, Diagnosing, and other tactics keep us from love.

]]> By: Angie Nikoleychuk http://thedatingpapers.com/dating-a-person-with-hiv/comment-page-1/#comment-9916 Angie Nikoleychuk Fri, 11 Dec 2009 17:00:44 +0000 http://thedatingpapers.com/?p=760#comment-9916 I think it's a shame humanity seems to judge the worthiness of a partner based on someone's proximity to perfection, where things you can't really control become a negative factor. I don't care if it's the colour of your skin, where you were born, how you pray, or whether or not you have a disease. People are people. They are no less worthy of being loved, nor are they less worthy of respect. Granted, after a month of dating, your significant other isn't going to say in shock 'OMG, you mean you're white/black/Christian/Hindu/whatever?' like they do with the differences they can't see. But, I don't understand why it matters other than a chance to move away from the 'normal' routine. How many times in life does someone we know or love become ill, get seriously injured, or even disfigured after we meet them? While we don't want to see it happen, it does. Do we love them any less after it happens? No. So, why should it equate to something horrible when it happens in the reverse? If anything, dating someone with HIV/Aids (or any disease or complication for that matter) should mean focusing on living and spending quality time together. It should be an opportunity to avoid the petty things that many relationships get hung up on and focus on the things in life that really matter. In short, I couldn't agree more. Angie Nikoleychuk Angie's Copywriting I think it’s a shame humanity seems to judge the worthiness of a partner based on someone’s proximity to perfection, where things you can’t really control become a negative factor.

I don’t care if it’s the colour of your skin, where you were born, how you pray, or whether or not you have a disease. People are people. They are no less worthy of being loved, nor are they less worthy of respect.

Granted, after a month of dating, your significant other isn’t going to say in shock ‘OMG, you mean you’re white/black/Christian/Hindu/whatever?’ like they do with the differences they can’t see. But, I don’t understand why it matters other than a chance to move away from the ‘normal’ routine.

How many times in life does someone we know or love become ill, get seriously injured, or even disfigured after we meet them? While we don’t want to see it happen, it does. Do we love them any less after it happens? No. So, why should it equate to something horrible when it happens in the reverse?

If anything, dating someone with HIV/Aids (or any disease or complication for that matter) should mean focusing on living and spending quality time together. It should be an opportunity to avoid the petty things that many relationships get hung up on and focus on the things in life that really matter.

In short, I couldn’t agree more.

Angie Nikoleychuk
Angie’s Copywriting

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