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What dating advice would you give to a guy who’s so shy that he never gets past “hello, my name is…” with a girl? Nicholas recently wrote in with this question:
I recently approached a girl that I’ve been crushing on for the past month or so. I was really nervous and out of my element. I’m sure she picked up on it but I’m not sure if she was in to me. We have exchanged looks, and recently names, for a while now but she still remains a mystery. We work in the same mall and I think she’s about my age (23). What do I do and more importantly how do I know if I should keep talking to her? I’m American and she’s Israeli by the way. Thanks!
I’m sure others will have more to add but here’s my $.02 worth of dating advice:
You’ve barely talked to this girl and yet you’re asking if it’s time to give up? Come on, Nicholas! You can’t give up yet!
Three quick things about relationships:
- Relationships require effort – If you’re not willing to work to show this girl that you like her, how is she to understand how you feel about her? Is she supposed to guess? Nobody likes guessing games. If you haven’t made a point to show her that you’re interested, how is she to know how you feel?
- Relationships require risk – No matter who initiates the first conversation, everybody risks something in entering a relationship with another person. People are, to use the Nat’l Park Service’s line, just as afraid of you as you are of them. It’s easy to get caught up in how much risk we’re taking by attempting to start a relationship with somebody new. Amid those stresses, try to remember that she’s also taking a risk in responding to you and getting to know you. Relationships can be very uncertain territory. Be patient.
- Relationships require desire – Do you really want to get to know this girl or is she just somebody you see all the time and decided to like because it’s convenient? If you desire to know her better, you’ll let it show in your conversations and actions.
What should you do?
I think you should walk up to her when she’s not busy, say hello (use her name) and ask her if she’d like to hang out at a specific time. Perhaps you could invite her to join you in a fun activity? Making out doesn’t count as an activity…although an invitation to do so could make for an interesting first conversation. =)
You said she’s Israeli. Did she just move to the United States? If so, perhaps you could offer to give her a tour of the points-of-interest in your city?
Show her you’re interested. Show her you care. Show her you want to know her better.
And if she turns you down? Then it might be time to think about finding a new crush. (She hasn’t done that so far so no need to worry just yet!)
There’s a chance she might really like you, Nicholas. Don’t make her waste any more time wondering if you like her back.
Best of luck!
Ask the readers:
Do you have any dating advice to offer Nicholas? Perhaps you were once in a similar situation and you learned a lesson you’d be willing to share? Thanks for your input!
photo: mark sebastian
Do you need dating advice or have a relationship question you’d like answered? Ask Seth!