Tarot: Oh, if only I knew how to set expectations correctly every time! Then I’d always be pleasantly surprised at just the right level and would wish for the date to continue past the deadline!

Thanks for stopping by!

I’m sorry, but I found your post most interesting, entertaining, and just a bit funny. Why? Because all that is waaaayyyyy behind me, thank goodness.

In the days long, long, long ago, I had horror stories and learned a few lessons about dating. The trouble is, due to senior moments, I no longer remember them. *laugh* After being married 47 years, and to the same man, I wouldn’t know how to begin to date.

I’m glad to see that you learn from your experiences, though, and are willing to share those lessons with others.

I like that you bring up the oft-advertised concept of enlisting a friend to time a call in case a date is going badly. As an adult, I’d hope that I am able to successfully interact and spend time with people I don’t prefer and find ways to remove myself from disastrous dates on my own.

That said, sometimes it can be interesting to stick around and see what happens. Trainwreck dates often supply endless fodder for future conversations.

You all have been going to town on my ruined dates…imagine if I’d been born with what I know now…there’d be so little horror to discuss!

Enjoy your weekend, Ame!

Seth

I’ve been so ingrossed by the comments that I’ve almost lost track of what the post was about.

Almost.

#1 mistake was agreeing to a 2 hour drive for a 1st date. Seems you’ve learned your lesson so for that alone the date served it’s purpose, grandfather and oozy cat aside.

Ahh Hammer – You my friend seem to be the classic case of what I call ‘the point where being confidently cocky over extends itself into just plain obnoxious’. Yes confidence, and even to an extent cockiness are a turn on (for me at least), coming across like you just know you’re God’s gift is not. It in fact has the immediate effect of turning me OFF.

Jane – definitely in agreement about not going for the ‘eh you since I’m doing this anyway I guess you can tag along’ approach. That method will only score the removal of your number from my phone, and definitely not the removal of any panties.

I twittered something yesterday, that I got a lot of positive response…

“Guys, don’t judge women. They want what you want. Don’t hold them to a higher or lower level than you hold yourself.”

It’s very common mistake by men that feel the need to lay out the red carpet on a first date with a woman. Why?? No one knows each other.

Why set expectations to such a highbar, it’s bound for failure.

Guy asks girl to go out with him. He picks her up, bring a flower, picks up the tab on the expensive dinner, picks the tickets for a show, drops her off… and now he expects a return on his investment.

Girl likes the attention but notices how preoccupied his about demonstrating how great of a guy he is, that she can’t help but feel whether this is part of the show he just bought tickets too. Now they’re standing at the doorstep, she feels he hasn’t gotten to know her, so doesn’t feel the connetion, here’s your hug, Guy, no go away.

Guy leaves fustrated, wondering why she didn’t like him, maybe he needs to do it up. Curses at himself because he forgot to open a door or walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk, or some inconsequential thing.

These crappy dates happen all the TIME.

I’m not saying don’t make it special… but what’s special is spending time together, whatever the activity.

Now Seth, that’s quite the assumption you’re making about “PUA’s”…

“PUA usually hops from conquest to conquest in a search to feed an addiction to the self-esteem boost of a complete stranger hopping into bed with them.”

There have never been “complete strangers” in my bed… I got to know them very well.

Sure, one night stands are a beast in and of itself. Typically, but you have to acknowledge that it takes two for that happen.

And the “conquest” is also be quite a bit of fun for both parties, and again, that takes two.

You’re implying a false notion that PUAs are somehow all about not being honest. On contrary, everything that’s behind getting men to be, better men… dictates around the fact that men need to stop all this hero bullshit.

You state your intent, and you make it very clear, who you are. I love women, I’m not interested in a monagamous relationship at this time. Take it or leave it. I don’t have trick anyone.

And you’d be very surprised how many “good girls” understand it, respect it, and accept it.

I think from what I’ve been reading, we’re actually not that apart bro… I hate to break it to ya because I know you don’t seem like you’re one of … us. haha!

Great blog btw!

D

—>I feel like I’m reading a post of it’s own! I’ve had a few of those crappy dates in my time! It’s always nice to move past that a bit. Learning to just enjoy another’s company and time…is key. Yes, I think some of our approaches are similar. Depending on what you’re looking for in a partner, the fast and furious lead-in of a classic pick-up-machine can end your night in the arms of a woman, but perhaps not the one you really wish you had. Seth< ---

If Brad Pitt invites a girl to hang out with him, do you think she’s going to say no? I have as much value to the women I pickup as Brad Pitt.

I’m on the other end of the spectrum where I believe that honesty, communication, a sense of adventure, and real effort will get the girl a PUA has no chance with. You’ll meet a bunch of friends along the way. And sex? Oh, it’s MUCH better with the mindset I try to spread. I’m certain of it!

Seth