Dating Advice

Fat Head, Skinny Body: Dating Standards

65 Comments 05 January 2009

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Ever wonder how you “measure up” to the standards of your intended love? I used to. 

It was a wildly beautiful July afternoon three summers ago. I was visiting a childhood friend while trying to finish an iced coffee. When you get near the end of an iced coffee, the ice creates an illusion of volume and the last bit of coffee is usually found only by energetic slurping and shaking of the

I’d known Emma since 4th grade so I had no problem shaking and slurping my iced coffee as she told me about an amazing friend of hers she “just knew” I’d love. 

“She sounds really great! ::sluurrpp:: ::shake:: Let her know I’d love to meet up!” I said. 

I would, but I don’t think you’d measure up. She has really high standards. You’re too chubby.” She replied.

Seven weeks of protein shakes and long workouts later, I looked good. Good enough that when Emma met me at the door the night of her party, she said “Oh, Seth! You look so good even I would date you!” I turned and left the party. I never met the stranger and haven’t seen Emma again. As I slowly ate a large McDonald’s fries later that night, I came up with the following questions as a way to determine if I want to pursue a romantic relationship with a woman

  1. Does she care about her health? There’s a real difference between being healthy and skinny. The “bikini model” body isn’t a sustainable figure for the majority of women. Make a conscious effort to seek out a woman who eats well and stays active. Believe me, a woman who isn’t afraid to eat some fudge when she has a chocolate craving will treat you much better. She’ll put up with you when you put on a few pounds and will genuinely worry more about your general health than just your body fat. 
  2. Does she care about her mind? Look for a woman who welcomes intellectual challenges and embraces new ideas. Consider this: the more a woman is involved in higher-level mental activities, the less time she’ll have for drama. This is good in that she’ll be more fun to talk to and will probably be much more fun in bed. It’s a challenge in that she’ll put up with less of your shit and will push you to up your game. You need that
  3. Does she care about others? She doesn’t need to be a Nalgene-toting Patagonia World Peace fanatic to qualify. The ability to empathize and desire to communicate with others is enough. Spend a little time with a woman who truly cares about others and you’ll quickly develop an addiction to the glow that follows her around. She’ll be wonderful to you and when you try to outdo her kindness, your competition will form a groundwork for a sustainable rewarding relationship. The Nalgene woman will like the sustainable part!

I don’t have any need for too-skinny, small-brained women who care nothing for others or themselves beyond regulating their carbohydrate intake. It’s about balance. A balanced person will make for a better first date and is less likely to be boring on your 30th encounter. 

Do you measure up to the standards you set for those willing to date you? Working to meet my own standards has kept me focused in my personal life and in relationships with others. When my ultimate woman comes along, I might be wearing a few extra pounds. I’m pretty sure she’ll like me just the same. I’ll just make sure she’s always laughing. That way she won’t notice the jolly paunch I got from eating every bit of Christmas Cheesecake I could find! 

Best to you! 


Photo credits: 
Coffee: annia316
Scale:  Sam Felder


- who has written 34 posts on The Dating Papers.

S drinks a lot of tea and enjoys late-night walks on the beach. He lives with his beta, Balthasar.

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