Dating Advice

Fat Head, Skinny Body: Dating Standards

61 Comments 05 January 2009

Warning: ksort() expects parameter 1 to be array, object given in /nfs/c02/h05/mnt/25090/domains/ on line 257

Ever wonder how you “measure up” to the standards of your intended love? I used to. 

It was a wildly beautiful July afternoon three summers ago. I was visiting a childhood friend while trying to finish an iced coffee. When you get near the end of an iced coffee, the ice creates an illusion of volume and the last bit of coffee is usually found only by energetic slurping and shaking of the

I’d known Emma since 4th grade so I had no problem shaking and slurping my iced coffee as she told me about an amazing friend of hers she “just knew” I’d love. 

“She sounds really great! ::sluurrpp:: ::shake:: Let her know I’d love to meet up!” I said. 

I would, but I don’t think you’d measure up. She has really high standards. You’re too chubby.” She replied.

Seven weeks of protein shakes and long workouts later, I looked good. Good enough that when Emma met me at the door the night of her party, she said “Oh, Seth! You look so good even I would date you!” I turned and left the party. I never met the stranger and haven’t seen Emma again. As I slowly ate a large McDonald’s fries later that night, I came up with the following questions as a way to determine if I want to pursue a romantic relationship with a woman

  1. Does she care about her health? There’s a real difference between being healthy and skinny. The “bikini model” body isn’t a sustainable figure for the majority of women. Make a conscious effort to seek out a woman who eats well and stays active. Believe me, a woman who isn’t afraid to eat some fudge when she has a chocolate craving will treat you much better. She’ll put up with you when you put on a few pounds and will genuinely worry more about your general health than just your body fat. 
  2. Does she care about her mind? Look for a woman who welcomes intellectual challenges and embraces new ideas. Consider this: the more a woman is involved in higher-level mental activities, the less time she’ll have for drama. This is good in that she’ll be more fun to talk to and will probably be much more fun in bed. It’s a challenge in that she’ll put up with less of your shit and will push you to up your game. You need that
  3. Does she care about others? She doesn’t need to be a Nalgene-toting Patagonia World Peace fanatic to qualify. The ability to empathize and desire to communicate with others is enough. Spend a little time with a woman who truly cares about others and you’ll quickly develop an addiction to the glow that follows her around. She’ll be wonderful to you and when you try to outdo her kindness, your competition will form a groundwork for a sustainable rewarding relationship. The Nalgene woman will like the sustainable part!

I don’t have any need for too-skinny, small-brained women who care nothing for others or themselves beyond regulating their carbohydrate intake. It’s about balance. A balanced person will make for a better first date and is less likely to be boring on your 30th encounter. 

Do you measure up to the standards you set for those willing to date you? Working to meet my own standards has kept me focused in my personal life and in relationships with others. When my ultimate woman comes along, I might be wearing a few extra pounds. I’m pretty sure she’ll like me just the same. I’ll just make sure she’s always laughing. That way she won’t notice the jolly paunch I got from eating every bit of Christmas Cheesecake I could find! 

Best to you! 


Photo credits: 
Coffee: annia316
Scale:  Sam Felder


- who has written 34 posts on The Dating Papers.

S drinks a lot of tea and enjoys late-night walks on the beach. He lives with his beta, Balthasar.

Contact the author

Your Comments

61 Comments so far

  1. When I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new feedback are added- checkbox and now every time a remark is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any approach you

    • John says:

      severalnaturallyinvolvesbeginningThere are types of radiometric danitg and it is true that carbon-danitg is only reliable for at most 60,000 years. Other types are good for longer periods.CARBON radiometric danitg, or carbon danitg, is a radiometric danitg method that uses the occurring radioisotope carbon-14 (14C) to determine the age of carbonaceous materials up to about 60,000 years.When plants fix atmospheric carbon dioxide (CO2) into organic material during photosynthesis they incorporate a quantity of 14C that approximately matches the level of this isotope in the atmosphere. After plants die or they are consumed by other organisms (for example, by humans or other animals) the 14C fraction of this organic material declines at a fixed exponential rate due to the radioactive decay of 14C. Comparing the remaining 14C fraction of a sample to that expected from atmospheric 14C allows the age of the sample to be estimated.The URANIUM-LEAD radiometric danitg method is one of the oldest available, as well as one of the most highly respected. It has been refined to the point that the error in dates of rocks about three billion years old is no more than two million years.POTASSIUM-ARGON radiometric danitg electron capture or positron decay of potassium-40 to argon-40. Potassium-40 has a half-life of 1.3 billion years, and so this method is applicable to the oldest rocks. Radioactive potassium-40 is common in micas, feldspars, and hornblendes, though the blocking temperature is fairly low in these materials, about 125b0C (mica) to 450b0C (hornblende).RUBIDIUM-STRONTIUM radiometric danitg is based on the beta decay of rubidium-87 to strontium-87, with a half-life of 50 billion years. This scheme is used to date old igneous and metamorphic rocks, and has also been used to date lunar samples. Blocking temperatures are so high that they are not a concern. Rubidium-strontium danitg is not as precise as the uranium-lead method, with errors of 30 to 50 million years for a 3-billion-year-old sample.At the of the solar system there were several relatively short lived RADIONUCLIDES like 26Al, 60Fe, 53Mn, and 129I present within the solar nebula. These radionuclides—possibly produced by the explosion of a supernova—are extinct today but their decay products can be detected in very old material such as meteorites. Measuring the decay products of extinct radionuclides with a mass spectrometer and using isochronplots it is possible to determine relative ages between different events in the early history of the solar system. Dating methods based on extinct radionuclides can also be calibrated with the U-Pb method to give absolute ages.Radiometric danitg is only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. There is also plate tectonics, mountains of fossil evidence and biological genetic danitg to name a few.If your religion does not allow you to consider scientific evidence, that is okay. Just admit it..

    • Juan says:

      I love book sales, because they’re an opptrounity to build my pseudoscience collection without directly subsidizing the authors.Jeffrey Shallit, meet the . (Watch the shipping cost.) Oh, and note that this is “”!Just 22 more book sales and posts to go and you’ll be caught up with one school of creationism.How much play did this book get in the Newton Public Library system?

    • Ben says:

      “the half-life of rubidium vaerid between 48 and 120 billion years!”Neither data would ever lead to a world created in 6 days. Nor even 6000 years (“one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day”)…

    • This doesn’t look too painful, although am I correct in thinking that OpenCL is easier to install with Nvidia? I have traditionally went with Nvidia, simply because the support seems to be better, although after the last few releases of the driver, at least one of which caused some problems with GPU’s overheating, it gave me a little pause. Still, seems like Nvidia usually works better than ATI…

    • levitra says:

      Oh if this were true… he does many of these things and even lives in my house.. his kid calls me the hebrew word for mom, I call his parents mom and dad… we hold hands… we generally go everywhere together… Yet I am everything but the romantic interest… It's no wonder I stay confused and have decided this is never going to be anything but what it is and I have decided that apparently marriage and happily ever after just isn't in the cards for me.

  2. This excellent website really has all the info I needed concerning this subject and didn’t know who to

  3. This design is wicked!You certainly know how to keep a reader entertained.

    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well,
    almost…HaHa!) Fantastic job. I really loved what you had to
    say, and more than that, how you presented it.
    Too cool!


  4. Wow, that’s what I was searching for, what a
    material! existing here at this blog, thanks admin of this

Share your view

Post a comment

© 2009 The Dating Papers. Powered by Wordpress.

Daily Edition Theme by WooThemes - Premium Wordpress Themes