Dating Advice, First Dates, The Scoop

Who Should Pay On The First Date?

8 Comments 21 November 2009

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by Jane Wonder


Who pays on the first date? I’ll tell you.

On a first date technically the person who asked should really pay. For me, this will always mean the guy because I will wait for him to ask. Honestly though, I’d prefer for the man to step up no matter what.

Which is not to say I expect that or don’t offer or won’t pay in the future. Every good female dater knows exactly how to handle this. In case you don’t know, let me explain…

The check comes. The woman should automatically reach for her purse and say something like “Let me help you with that.” This gives the man options. If he didn’t intend to pay the entire check, he can accept the offer without losing face or having to ask for money. If he did intend to pay, he can say “No, I’ve got this one.” The woman should then ask ONCE (and only once ladies) “Are you sure?” If he waffles at all, offer money. This next bit is important now. If he says he’s sure, look him directly in the eye and thank him for your meal.

This works on dates one and two. If a man picks up both of those checks you should corner the check and pay it in full on date three.

For the record, the second date is a gray area in the land of paying. I would gladly snatch a second date check… it all depends on the man and the dynamics of the date as to whether or not that is successful.

I do not believe that buying someone dinner means they owe you anything. Especially if said someone has offered to pull their own weight. And I wouldn’t allow anyone to guilt me into anything on those grounds.

Honestly, we’re dating not hooking. And the only way a man can convince you you owe him one is if you let him. Employ a little backbone against the jerks, and enjoy the chivalry of the gentlemen.

What’s your take? Who pays on your first dates?

Jane keeps a blog, Confessions of a One Date Wonder or Follow her updates on Twitter.

Image: Hamed Ma Soumi

Who Should Pay On The First Date?


- who has written 40 posts on The Dating Papers.

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8 Comments so far

  1. doris says:

    yeah.. he has a point here..

  2. This is a strange question right in the beginning. If man doesn’t pay on the first date , how can he support a woman in future? The main principle is neglected- women are seeking for strong supporter in their lives.

  3. Jane, agree with you on this one – the one who invites generally pays, but I believe and prefer that guys pay still, at least for the first couple of dates – it still feels nice to be taken care of by a chivalrous man =)

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