Dating Advice, First Dates, The Scoop

Who Should Pay On The First Date?

8 Comments 21 November 2009

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by Jane Wonder


Who pays on the first date? I’ll tell you.

On a first date technically the person who asked should really pay. For me, this will always mean the guy because I will wait for him to ask. Honestly though, I’d prefer for the man to step up no matter what.

Which is not to say I expect that or don’t offer or won’t pay in the future. Every good female dater knows exactly how to handle this. In case you don’t know, let me explain…

The check comes. The woman should automatically reach for her purse and say something like “Let me help you with that.” This gives the man options. If he didn’t intend to pay the entire check, he can accept the offer without losing face or having to ask for money. If he did intend to pay, he can say “No, I’ve got this one.” The woman should then ask ONCE (and only once ladies) “Are you sure?” If he waffles at all, offer money. This next bit is important now. If he says he’s sure, look him directly in the eye and thank him for your meal.

This works on dates one and two. If a man picks up both of those checks you should corner the check and pay it in full on date three.

For the record, the second date is a gray area in the land of paying. I would gladly snatch a second date check… it all depends on the man and the dynamics of the date as to whether or not that is successful.

I do not believe that buying someone dinner means they owe you anything. Especially if said someone has offered to pull their own weight. And I wouldn’t allow anyone to guilt me into anything on those grounds.

Honestly, we’re dating not hooking. And the only way a man can convince you you owe him one is if you let him. Employ a little backbone against the jerks, and enjoy the chivalry of the gentlemen.

What’s your take? Who pays on your first dates?

Jane keeps a blog, Confessions of a One Date Wonder or Follow her updates on Twitter.

Image: Hamed Ma Soumi

Who Should Pay On The First Date?


- who has written 40 posts on The Dating Papers.

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8 Comments so far

  1. Excellent! If I could write like this I would be well happpy. The more I see articles of such quality as this (which is rare), the more I think there might be a future for the Web. Keep it up, as it were.

  2. Sounds reasonable. Respect!

  3. Aplus says:

    I would say the one that asks you out…you are so correct. Does not matter if you a guy or a women anymore, I think this is great.

  4. oto kiralama says:

    great thanks

  5. prince6688 says:

    In the grand history of dating, the idea of who pays is a relatively recent occurrence. Traditionally, it was a man’s duty to provide for the woman completely. This means that he would pay for everything not only on
    the first date, but on all subsequent dates. Now, this system had more to do with society being male dominated. Women were not given equal rights, and therefore men were traditionally the only ones with jobs (as society would not allow women to work). In those times, it made sense that men would pay for everything as women (usually) would not have been able to afford the date.

    However, with the arrival of the women’s rights movement, women were gradually given equal rights and subsequently the ability to become employed. Presently, most women work and therefore have access to enough money to contribute on a date.

    Now, even today, some people will still claim that a man should pay for everything. However, I am not one of them. First of all, as I am in college, I don’t have a lot of money. And this is OK, because most girls in college also are limited monetarily. Girls understand this, and realize that it is only fair that they should pay for their half. I should also note that I have never had a girl become insulted when I suggest that we each pay for our share of the date. On the contrary, I believe that girls appreciate that you consider them to be your equal (by paying for everything, you assume that a girl cannot provide for herself which is simply untrue). I also believe that if a first date doesn’t work out, I shouldn’t be the one to foot the entire bill. is the best place where every alone heart can find the soul mate,dating tips, you get to play fun games and to really discover people’s personality along the way, for friendship or more.If you are looking for a true friend, a dream date or an activity partner, the right place on the internet. Through matchmaking, fun games and friendship service. because online dating is really a big chance to open your heart and to be heard.More interactivity through personality games – to create real connections,playing games,discover friends ,provide the most comfortable ways to meet people online. provide a meeting place where millions of single people could meet each other, relax, be encouraged, entertained and feel happy, you’ll meet new friends not only in your area but all over the world.

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