Seth asked me “Terry, how DO you date a model?” There are two possible questions there — one from the fellow who says he wants to date someone like Tyra, Christie, or Darcie (my girlfriend) or any one of the other supermodels who are out there. The other: “how on earth do you do that?”
Lets dispense with the bad news — this is not “Dr. Simpson’s black book of women in modeling, or his girlfriend’s contact list from her iphone.” Let’s expand the definition of model to anyone from the high school cheerleader to the local news anchor. We are going to assume there is a person out there that you feel you have an interest in – while she may be a physical beauty, you have more in common than just the pretty face (or other parts).
If the latest Madonna song “speaks to you,” and you think you want to have a date with Madonna based on that song — you are about two steps away from being a stalker.
So we are making a few assumptions here:
- The model you want to ask out on a date is someone that you have a genuine interest in.
- She is someone you can be introduced to (have some access to).
- She who won’t be asking the sheriff to enforce a restraining order on you for previous behavior.
Start out with a few simple things –
When it comes to beautiful women, there are a lot of guys who want to impress them. You do not need to be one. She gets a lot of goodies in life. You may think a lot of buying a bottle of Dom for dinner. Don’t be shocked that she doesn’t think much of it. Guys buy her stuff like that all the time. In fact, she’s probably tired of guys who think the next bottle of wine will win her over.
Now, if it is a bottle from your winery, that only you can get — and you know that she likes that wine – great. But for most people, this is not an option.
Money does impress, but chances are she has more than you and doesn’t want to talk about it. Why? Because before you talked to her, she was hit on by a billionaire, and while the thought of being Mrs. Billionaire crossed her mind, her fear of boredom quickly overcame it. She is used to guys throwing money around like confetti in a parade. If you have a lot of income, or money – she will learn soon enough. Until then, don’t try to buy your way into a date – that’s boring.
So what does she want? — shocking, but she wants someone she can relate to. Not that she expects you understand fashion, extensive travel, or five star hotels – just be someone to talk to.
Conversation and interests are the key. You have your job, whatever it is – -and some of that can be interesting. Just understand that most “shop talk” is about as interesting as discussing how high the corn is for a farmer. Most of us have a lot of outside interests. Yes, you can talk politics, religion, or any other issue with her as much as you would with any prospective mate.
When it comes to models, top models, or super models there is a perception, probably brought on by the show, “Next Top Model” that these women are not that smart. Trust me, it takes more than just beauty to make it to the top. Many models are well-traveled (for somewhat obvious reasons) and have wide interests including politics, the environment, nature, science, and the third world. Some have their own blogs (under pseudonyms), and a few Twitter. Having a great give-and-take conversation will give her reason to see you as thoughtful and interesting.
Where to take her? Think casual. If you think an high-end restaurant, like Babo, Chez Panisse, or Tarbell’s is a great first date– well, you are trying to impress her again. Stop! Why a casual first date? First, it takes the pressure off you to impress. Second, it means you can listen to her about things she wants or is interested in. If things go well there is plenty of time to eat out at great places, and if you cook –well, that is another bonus.
Do not assume you know what she likes to eat. One of my girlfriend’s good friends was taken to a steak house — which was fine, but her “date” didn’t know she was a vegetarian — and it kinda went over like a Baby Ruth in a swimming pool. On one of my first dates with Darcie, I asked what her favorite childhood food was — hot dogs. I asked if she still liked them, she did. We went to a great local hot dog place.
When a model goes to a casual establishment, she can dress how she likes, which often means many people won’t recognize her. That’s ok – -on a date you want people to leave you alone so you can learn about the each other. Here is a head’s up – -she won’t look the same in blue jeans and a baseball cap – -she will look great, but not quite like the cover of Vogue.
Setting the stage for a good date allows you to feel comfortable also. It allows you to really talk to the person, and eliminates the background of a restaurant that is the show itself.
Also, If you take her to a casual place and it turns out you have nothing in common, well, you had a date with a supermodel and it didn’t cost you too much.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and classic beauty is an act of random genetics. Models are people, with interests, ideas, and imagination. Find that person, that inner person – that is the purpose of your date.
You can follow Dr. Terry Simpson on Twitter or read his blog at The Skeptic Doc.
photos via Flickr: PLJP, LHD, VB
Wonderful insight for all the guys and I immediately thought of the movie “My Date With Drew Barrymore!” lol!
But what about for women wanting to date male models? Would the same suggestions apply and work?
Somehow, it is reassuring that *everyone* has the same qualms about dating, model or not! You said it…the key is we are all *people* wanting the same thing ultimately…to find “the love of our life!” We all just need to be real from the heart and soul!…and have fun!:~)
“Authenticity needs no selling, just sharing!” ~Henie~
Hi Henie!
I don’t know that the same suggestions would entirely apply because male models probably spend less time being wined-and-dined by wealthy ladies…then again, they might interested in being Mrs. Billionaire as well. =)
“we all just need to be real from the heart and soul and have fun!”
Well said! =)
The exact same suggestions work – the idea is simply to be yourself. Do not be intimidated by a good looking guy, or a guy with a lot of money, or a guy who seems to have it all.
We all have it all, until we meet the one who we want to spend our life with – then our life is incomplete until they join it.
Come on…
I have been a model and dated many models and honestly the higher someone goes up on the good looking tree the more difficult (and in my mind) the less desirable. Something in the middle is a lot more appropriate. The simple fact that a girl/guy has made thier carrer out of thier looks must tell you something!
Not only that but ARE YOU someone a model would date? Like attracts like and unless you have a lot to offer Brooke Burk is not going to be calling you anytime soon.
The real question here is how do I attract a more attractive partner?
.Become more attractive
.Understand social dynamics better (the game)
.Radically raise your confidence (lack of is sensed like dogs smell fear)
Once you attract the beautiful guy/girl you date them, realize that beauty is not all that important. But… you needed to crush your insecurities and now that you have move on to someone that is a more complete package.
That is a terribly narrow view – and not supported by the evidence available. What attracts you to a supermodel – what part of the looks– most of them have small breasts, most of them are very tall, most of them have sharp facial features that look better on camera than in the light of day. But they photograph wonderfully.
Most supermodels who I know, date pretty normal guys. But most who they encounter on a day to day basis either work in the industry (if they are straight) or in some association — sometimes charity, sometimes a business association. The analogy – if you are a doctor, you might find someone in the business — that does not mean most doctors only marry doctors or nurses, or technicians — it is simply a matter of who they are around.
By the way – most models I know, met their partners on blind dates– someone set them up.
I wanted to address what might be a misconception in logic–that like attracts like. Although you may share common interests, have the excitement of relationships involves novelty and surprises– in other words, the unexpected can be more effective than the ho hum casual response.
Although not models, I have contacted many prominent authors, and often not only receive replies, but have formed relationships.
Likewise, I’m a gay, married man, and I’ve started a relationship, albeit tentative, with the American Family Association.
We all desire to be happy, to be free from pain and suffering, and to be seen for who we are.
There are models that are so used to people being focused on their looks, that those who want to know more about who they are as people can be far more interesting and satisfying.
Take chances. I would recommend avoiding stalking; however, not all models are shall0w simply because they utilize their strenghts to make a living, as most of us, in a perfect world, do.
The woman who plays the character of Bree on desperate housewives has a degree in psychology.
That alone would provide hours of conversation completely devoid of looks.
Stop looking beyond the surface. Peer deeper, and you may be surprised on who will be willing to to date you.
Being seen for who we are is the sticky bit, yes?
It is always about what is inside – outside is just the attraction.
being rich is the main key factor,without that,all dating techniques are useless,did you know or ever wonder if there is any model dating or marrying someone of a lesser income status?
The only time I ever dated a model was when I had less than $50 to my name. I think you simply don’t hear much about models dating non-celebs because it doesn’t make much of a story.
Being rich is not a factor. Sure, who wouldn’t like to be with someone who has more money – but that goes both ways. Most models I know have more money than their boyfriends- and most of those arrangements end because the guy cannot handle either the fame, that she makes more, or that a thousand other guys might be trying to hit on them.
By the way – while I am pretty comfortable, supermodel can buy me out several times with just one of her black American Express cards, and still have money to buy a small island in the South Pacific.
Thanks for the insightful advice Seth. I’ve always believed that the whole notion that one has to be rich and powerful with all the materialistic things to date a model is a grand misperception.
Many times they are over exposed with these type of guys that all they want is a “normal” guy to be with.
That leads to my question, which is do you have any advice on where to meet models in a casual setting? I’ve had zero luck when I have to mingle through the hoards of eager guys to get to know a model either at a shoot or show. Any advice from is greatly appreciated.
Do not go on location to meet a model – it is where they work. They are very busy there. I am a surgeon – I don’t want someone walking into my operating room asking some question to spark conversation.
Models – like all people – have regular lives. They shop, they go to church (some), they have hobbies. If your goal is to meet a super model – that can always be arranged, but if you want to meet them to talk and try to get a date– that is the wrong way to approach life or dating.
One model I know golfs – she is off location and not shooting, she finds a golf course, gets a game and meets people there. She has dated several men she has met on the course – and not because of their golfing ability, just interest. Another one goes to Aspen, and spends a lot of time on the slopes- her last husband “ran” into her. Here is the trick – you cannot fool mother-nature: if you have an interest that they have, great – but you cannot force it. As with most dates- mutual interests, mutual appeal – and then either the chemistry works, or it doesn’t.
Here is another key – do not stay in a relationship because the other person has outer beauty.
So, where does one go to meet models other than restaurants where a waitress might model on the side. In NYC, for instance. Is there a particular club or particular parties? And how do you know when these parties are coming? Like ones associated with a model show? Is there a way to get on a list for that? I have tried and can’t seem to find one.
First rule of dating a model – you have to have access to them. I happened to be in a high profile position, so it was easy. If you start to look for them, because you only want to date super models- well, you can find out those places. But, love is found in many places – and while you are striving to date a supermodel, the pretty nurse down the street may be a far better match, far nicer, and make a better companion.
You cannot force access to super models or to super stars. If they happen to come your way, great – but again, attractions happen for reasons we cannot control. If you try to hard you will come off as a creep.