Are you passionate about something in your life? Really, truly passionate about it? Not just something you like. I’m talking about the sort of thing you prefer over everybody and everything else.
If you are passionate about something, use that as your ticket to get on the train toward better, more fulfilling conversations.
How? Passion, in and of itself, is attractive. Remember Ethan Hunt in MI-3 in the evening party scene where he’s talking about dynamic traffic patterns and there’s a crowd of women hanging off his every word? That’s not just a movie trick. It’s not the topic but how you approach it that will make you attractive to others. With a few simple steps, you can begin to build your passion into something, if not magnetic, at least quite attractive!
Step 1: Know your stuff – It’s not enough to be excited about something. If you’re truly passionate about a topic, you’ll understand its inner workings and history. Find out some interesting stories that relate to your passion and memorize the particulars. NASCAAR is boring to a lot of people. But if you happened to know that the worst pile-up in racing history was caused by a driver who was hallucinating and stopped his car to “pick up passengers” because he thought he was driving a bus…now you’ve got a story worth telling. Everybody loves a good story. Even that sullen beauty across the bar will probably listen to a good story if you’ve got one.
Step 2: Incorporate humor – If you’re truly passionate about something, you’ve already run into at least one person who thinks you’re nuts for being so dedicated to one thing. That’s okay. You’re not trying to win over all the people in the world. Ignore the haters and always keep an active sense of humor, especially when it’s time make fun of yourself. Learn a few jokes that relate to your passion and a few extras that people tell making fun of people like you. Love wine? Learn some wine jokes as well as a few quips about people who love wine too much. (Yes, it’s said that loving wine too much actually IS a possibility!)
Step 3: Invite responses – Make a habit of inviting others to share about their passions. You might be surprised how many people collect spoons, skydive, and go on yoga retreats but feel funny about talking about it. Don’t let the conversation end with you sharing about your passion. You’ve told your stories and made others laugh. Now it’s their turn to reciprocate and give the “dirty” on what they like most in life. Worried that others will just stand and look at you strangely? Some might, sure. Most will pick up on the excited energy you’re exuding and participate in the conversation.
And that’s something to get excited about!
What are some of your passions? How do you go about sharing them with others?
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Photo credit: ledmunds
I am passionate about teamwork, and about something I call True Intent. We should all recognize our’s and other’s true intent when interacting. I think it would help us get along and be much better team players. i.e. the human team.
I am a big fan of passion as well.
From a recent post where I tackled Inside the Actors Studio ’s 10 questions.
“3. What turns you on?
Heh, heh, How would I answer this? Okay seriously…Passion. I love people who care. No matter what it is, no matter what you do, if you are passionate about it, I respect that and you.”
Great post Seth!
It would also help us avoid much of the heartache that comes from play-acting in relationships!
Thanks for sharing the quote from your blog. What a great answer. It’s true! We really do look at the passion more than we do the concrete topic.
=)
Ohh, I adore this post. Rings true with every thread of my being.
Having passion in your life is my number one sexy trait in the opposite sex.
“My number one sexy trait”
There you go, guys. A bit of confirmation! =)
I’ve had conversations about some of the most boring topics in the world that were rendered fun and exciting because at least one person in the conversation was truly passionate about the topic. Everybody else fed off it and a great conversation took place.
I agree with you. Nothing sexier. Thanks, Dawn!
I think you are 50% right here. Being passionate about something is great, and being able to talk about is is great too, but people mostly like talking about themselves…
so, knowing that and asking what the OTHER person is passionate about can that person talking for hours – often they will open up and feel a real connection just because someone is truly listening to them. The trick here is that if you don’t really care what they are telling you they’ll know – big turn off!
Hi Kathleen,
What’s the 50% you disagree with me on?
It’s not talking about yourself. Unless you ARE Nascaar or you ARE wine, you wouldn’t be talking about yourself in discussing your passion, you’d be talking about something separate from you.
Does that make sense?
Great post Seth.
I was recently on a date:
- He was passionate about ferrets which I was having a difficult time understanding.
- I’m passionate about cricket which he didn’t understand at all (Canadian and doesn’t drink beer)
Yet we were able to spend quite a long time talking about our own passion with the other person being interested, because of the stories.
It is normally met with surprise when men find out about my love of cricket and almost always a good conversation starter, so I have a habit of introducing it early. It allows them to talk about the sport they love or say they don’t follow sport at all. I then know how to talk about cricket after that or to stop talking about it & talk about other things I am passionate about.
Hi Kate!
Ferrets? Hmmm. I suppose there could definitely be some great stories associated with the scratchy beasts! =)
You seem to have the system down to a science. It’s great to share the big things early on, as you’ve found, so that others feel welcome to share as well.
I need to have a good conversation about cricket with somebody. Aside from hearing scores on late-night BBC, I’m afraid my knowledge of the sport is terribly sparse!
Best to you!
So have you had bad conversations about cricket that need to be replaced by good conversations, or just not had conversations about cricket?
I don’t think I know anyone living in USA that has anything more than a terribly sparse knowledge of cricket. In fact I know people who once had a great knowledge of cricket that became sparse once moving to USA.
No bad conversations about cricket. Simply have yet to meet somebody who is passionate and knowledgeable about cricket with a willingness to share their passion with me.
I know about wickets and stumps and creases, but I have yet to connect them all into something that makes sense in a big-picture sort of way.
I have wonderful associations with the sport simply because I wasn’t allowed to listen to public radio growing up and used to sneak out and listen to the BBC late at night. Good stuff!
Look at that. Your passion and a crazy story from my life just connected in a conversation. Hmmm. Perhaps my post makes sense then? =)
Post definitely makes sense.
As my Twitter profile says, I am a cricket fanatic, and that is mainly the traditional version. Yes, that game that can go for 5 days with no result.
Every year I sit at our local ground with my Mum and watch Australia play the visiting team, for the whole test. To love that, you need to love the journey, ebbs and flows. That you can look like you are loosing and you can edge your way back. A deeper journey that can’t be developed in a game that is over in 2-3 hours.
It is an escape for a week with a community of people that also love the journey and it is probably the only thing that connects you. You escape the contemporary need for rush and quick response. It is a totally different world and you can walk home at the end of each day.
That is a great BBC story. Why did you choose BBC? I am listening to the Australian version right now (at 1am) for the Aust v Sth Africa 2nd test.
I agree that passion is very attractive. I also like the addition that it is not all about you. Adding energy and life to a group can be a very self serving activity but if you can use it to raise the vibration of the entire room. Wow…
I recently asked my readers what they despise in the opposite sex and inevitably the words Shy, boring, lack of passion came up. Energy is sexy even if it is derived from your quilting group.
Hi Mike!
“Energy is sexy even if it is derived from your quilting group”
Brother, either you’ve been hanging out with some very young quilters or you owe us all a post on geriatric dating! =)
Passion is key!
LOVE your new blog.
Is that you in the picture? Hilarious.
My passion is writing at the moment, but my passions in life tend to ebb and flow. But you can be sure I’m always passionate about something – if not, I feel quite boring.
Thanks! =)
No, afraid its not me. It’s from a party I attended. Somebody forgot the kebab stick so we ended up using bits of shrubberies. What a mess! Good times though.
One thing you’ve yet to be is boring. I hope we get to chat about writing sometime soon.
I always say that I am more passionate than passion fruit!:~) Well…that’s how I initiate humor, especially on a first date! It works all the time!
While “talking” about one’s passion is a dynamic start…I believe that doing and sharing one’s passion is the electric key! It garners participation and/or being a spectator all in one mode.
I truly live my immediate passion of writing and photography but even more so, living life in the moment and truly being present is my ultimate passion! I am the zing in ziiinging! :~) I am the bubble in a glass of champagne!:~)
Thank you for another stellar post, Seth, but what’s your passion?
“Hug your passion into action!” ~Henie~
You are one of the most quotable people I know, Henie! =)
Yes, it’s great when you can get people involved in your passion but that often comes after you’ve known somebody for a bit. One of the benefits to meeting dates in alternative social environments like athletic clubs and activities is that you already know you’ve got something in common.
The cool thing about passion is that you don’t have to share the passion in order to have a great conversation about it. Just like Kate’s experience, you can have wonderful interactions without sharing a passion. It’s all about sharing THE passion! =)
I’d never thought about being a bubble in a glass of champagne. I do like how you work alcohol into all of our conversations though.
Writing, I suppose, is a passion. It’s not something I talk about a lot though. I’d much rather talk about cooking…or, as you suggest, participate in it! =)
P.S. I love the new skin of this site! Very nice and refreshing! :~)
Seth, love the layout! WOW! Hmm Nice topic too. Passion is a big word for me. I think i live in a world where people don’t get me. When I am passionate about something I really go for it.
But in the dating world and even in friendships it just comes out naturally.
Like the guy i spoke to you about in the last post you had, he was like why you Twitter and why so involved in digital? It just came out from his mouth last night. He was apparently getting curious checked the net and came across my blog (he loved the avatars) and an article i wrote on inspiration and creativity.
I used to talk to him about it but more of like what exciting things have developed and got him interested without me pushing him. He just wouldn’t admit it at first. He said and I quote “he saw something in my aura”. He said i beamed, and he liked what he saw. Wow, talk about passion and how it has apparently shown even on the physical.
I totally dig your article and looking forward to the next one. You rock Seth.
Thanks, Misty! I like it quite a bit too. =)
You’re very fortunate that talking about your passions while dating comes so naturally. Most are so worried that their date won’t like them for some reasons that they neglect to share the information that might actually kick things to a higher level of communication.
Yes, it definitely shows in the physical. Passionate conversations about nearly
ANYTHING are sexy.
Best!
Seth,
This is a really good one. You manage to put humor into a simple fact. The knowledge, the humor and the interest seems to really work. My problem is the fact that my humor doesn’t even come close to yours! Just for curiosity, was the “shish-ka-bob” good?
That’s not me in the photo, but yes, I do enjoy great kebabs grilled at the beach! You have a wonderful sense of humor. Always make me smile! =)