Comments on: Is It Okay To Tell Her She Looks Fat?

By: Sarah Joy Albrecht » Blog Archive » Is It Okay To Tell Her She Looks Fat?

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 07:44:31 +0000

[...] HERE to see my guest post at The Dating [...]

By: Seth

Seth — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:31:54 +0000

Hi all,

Due to the nature of recent comments–some which made great points, albeit unrelated to this particular post–comment moderation has been turned on. If you’d like to contribute something to the post-related discussion, your input is welcomed!

Thanks for reading!

(thread revised 8.27)

By: Is It Okey To Tell Her She Looks Fat? «

Is It Okey To Tell Her She Looks Fat? « — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 10:26:16 +0000

[...] det här är en grym bild på min vän Emmie och hon gillar den också. Nu har den hamnat på ”The datingpapers” där man kan finna ”smarta” dejtingtips och på så sätt få bättre dejter. Sarah [...]

By: notasoccermom

notasoccermom — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 02:30:59 +0000

I really think it is in the delivery.
Also the self confidence of the recipient. Even some men cannot handle the truth when they are already unhappy.

great post

By: Mikko Kemppe

Mikko Kemppe — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 19:47:23 +0000

Sarah said: “You’re right – it’s a rhetorical question.

But, why is this particular health issue off the table?”

I don’t think Mary was saying that you could not talk about your weight issue with your husband, but rather to point out that if women is over weight she probably already knows that. And so therefore to ask a question of whether he thinks she is fat would not contribute to their conversation about her weight issue.

I think women are often afraid to ask for love (and of course men are too, but usually in a different way). For example, to ask: “Honey would you say how much you love me and give me a hug” is much scarier than to go about it in a round about way and to ask: “Honey, do I look like I have gained some weight”. Because if your boyfriend says no to the former, it hurts even more than saying the truth to the latter.

I think it is a good idea for a man to show caring toward his wife or girlfriend about her weight, as long as that caring comes from a place of understanding, love, and support, and not from a place of trying to control or change someone.

By: Mary

Mary — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 11:47:36 +0000

I think I take a dft perspective, Sarah. Jon wants me to be happy, so when I tell him I am uncomfortable and need exercise so I can reduce my weight, he helps me to have that time and even walks with me sometimes. My point is that I don’t need to hear his opinion of my weight, I just need him to help me & support me the way he always does, ykwim? I think men ignore their weight gain, but women generally do not.

By: Sarah Joy Albrecht

Sarah Joy Albrecht — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 03:40:34 +0000

Jim,

“Any changes over the years are just a part of our journey together.”

Well said! It is obvious that you care about your bride very much!

I’m wondering — if she asked you to help her assess her health, including her weight, what would you say to her? Would you be honest? How would you lovingly support her if she needed to make a change?

Thanks for sharing your perspective

Much love,
Sarah

By: Jim Brochowski

Jim Brochowski — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 23:55:47 +0000

My wife and I don’t have any pact, but we don’t ask each other either. In the even that body types, shapes, etc… I tend to go with the philosophy that I fell in love with my wife the person, rather than my wife the body. Any changes over the years are just a part of our journey together. She’ll always be beautiful to me, and I hope I’ll be handsome to her because we love each other for who we are rather than how we look.

By: Sarah Joy Albrecht

Sarah Joy Albrecht — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 23:45:13 +0000

Mary,

You’re right – it’s a rhetorical question.

But, why is this particular health issue off the table?

Obesity shortens your lifespan and heavily contributes to a myriad of health issues, including diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and even some cancers.

Wouldn’t it be loving, instead of rude, for a husband to “care” about a weight problem? After all, devotion is vowed in sickness and in health.

If thoughtful discussion about health issues, and helping to solve them, are in the context of thousands of other important issues, I think it says a lot about the relationship.

If you can’t trust your husband to talk to you and support you while you’re working on a problem area, who can you trust?

Looking forward to your response.

Much love,
Sarah

By: Melanie

Melanie — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 21:35:09 +0000

Yeah, I would definitely not ask that. I’m critical enough of myself that I know when an outfit is not working (or when I’ve gained weight)! If I’m on the fence, I’ll ask him, “What do you think of this outfit?” or “How do I look?” … “Do I look fat in this?” is just a loaded gun, waiting for the tiniest tap on the trigger.