-jef

What I found disconcerting, though, is that no one questioned the generalization Jef made that “everyone” lies. Everyone? I had to sit with this for a little bit (I first read the article a few days ago), but I just can’t go for that.

I agree that the five points presented, and especially the fifth one (I teach my students and clients that how you ask any question should be considered carefully based on what answer you want!), are all important things to know.

And I really, really cannot agree that “everyone” lies. And, uh, no, I don’t think that’s naivete speaking either!

btw- #5 resonated so deeply that I actually felt like I’d been punched. I’m guilty of preferring the lie at times. Kind of wimpy, really.

Very well done Jef, I now have a new blog to dig through later

Why is that?

When most people consider the whole subject of another person’s honesty, it’s usually with a subconscious little notion that we have no control over it. “They lie to me or they don’t.” Many haven’t considered that they aren’t powerless, and that in fact… they’re inadvertently working against themselves.

Truth is, we have a LOT of control over what others say to us–but it takes a few little tricks to make us of this.

The questions we ask them are THE most important factor in what we get back from another person. And they’re not all that simple. There a lot of right–and wrong–ways to ask questions. I’ll be posting on this soon on my own blog.

Thanks for a great blog, Seth, and thanks for having me ’sit in’. You’re readers are awesome folks–they don’t miss a thing!

-jef

But seriously, his obsession with “catching” me in lies took all the truth out of any conversation. I spent more time trying to defend myself rather than talking about what was really the issue. I’m hoping his accusations were an attempt to find a reason to get out of the relationship (for whatever reasons he might have had) because it disheartens me to think he actually believed that I was lying to him.

I think you read it backwards. The test designed to fail is caused by people asking questions they already know the answer to. “Did you sleep with 5 of Seth’s girlfriends?” when you know he did simply sets you up to hear another lie because most of us have trouble admitting to things when it could harm us.

If you don’t actually know the answer, then your line of questioning will be very different. That, I think, is what you’re saying you are the queen of?

Asking people questions about things you know the answer to is a great way to start fights and cause further erosion in already-damaged lines of communication.

But you knew that. =) Thanks lady!

I don’t think anybody was suggesting that somebody take anything as a hard-and-fast rule to be applied in every situation.

If you want to read a blog like that, I know quite a few pick-up-artist blogs you could slog through. =)