Communication, Get Over It

Life After Divorce: Papers Not Yet Signed & She’s Already Dating My Friend!

23 Comments 27 August 2009

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Waiting aloneI need your help!

Hi! I’ve (Seth) decided to begin answering relationship questions more often here on The Dating Papers. Some, like the one in this post, might fall into an area where you have experience and/or expertise. If that’s the case, please, please chime in with your thoughts and advice. All I ask is that you maximize positive support and minimize judgement. None of us know each other well enough to criticize effectively but our humanity should be reason enough to empathize as best we can.

I’ll post questions as they’re sent in (a few at a time if need be) in the hope that we can offer some real-life advice and support to those readers who take the time to reach out. I’ll contact the individuals who submitted questions as posts go live in the hope that they’ll take a moment to read and perhaps give some more context to their questions. Obviously, I can’t make any promises. I’m hopeful that this will be a positive experience for everyone involved. Thanks for your efforts to prove my hope worthwhile!

Now, for the question!
Joe wrote in:

I am currently comming out of a 7 year marriage, were the decision to end it was a mutual decision. We both have just come to the conclusion that we are not right for each other. Yet at the same time I can’t seem to get over things with her. We have not even signed the papers yet she is allready dating one of her friends. I don’t want her back, but I can’t seem to let go of the idea that she is dating someone else so soon and a friend of ours on top of that. Well ex friend for me now.

Hi Joe,

You’ve put 7 years of your life into a relationship with this woman. A mutual decision to formally end your relationship doesn’t lessen the time invested nor make it easy to see her moving on so quickly! I can’t imagine the brackish rush of emotions you’re experiencing at any given moment. What I can do is offer you a few simple thoughts and put your question to some readers who have experienced a divorce (perhaps recently) and can offer you some personal encouragement!

First, you’re in a time of great transition. Don’t expect to find a happiness solution overnight or grow despondent because you occasional grovel in despair or self-loathing. You’re most likely experiencing a lot of different emotions. Go ahead and feel them. Experience them. Then set them aside.

How can you do that? The best way to push away your unhappiness and confusion is to help others bring sense to their own lives. Volunteer for a local homeless shelter or soup kitchen. If you live in the city and know people who struggle to make ends meet, spend some time helping them! In helping others, it’s often that we discover the simplest way to help ourselves. It also seems to put things in better perspective when we are in close proximity to the suffering and strength of others. Get close to people who are struggling and work to help them.

At minimum, you’ll have less time to sit home and watch TV with your thoughts!

I could go on but I think I’ve given you a good starting point. I’d also like to let the readers sound in with their advice and support for you. Sound good? I hope so!

Reader, what advice do you have for Joe? I’m sending him an email shortly se he knows to swing by to read your answers. Thank you!

Note: Comment moderation is turned on. Once you’ve had a comment approved, subsequent comments will show up immediately. I apologize for the inconvenience and thank you again for your input!

Photo: Bichuas, cio de foto


- who has written 34 posts on The Dating Papers.

S drinks a lot of tea and enjoys late-night walks on the beach. He lives with his beta, Balthasar.

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23 Comments so far

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