Dating Advice

Love Hack: The 7 Days Of Valentine

81 Comments 09 January 2009

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The following is a playbook that will save you money, improve your relationship, and put things in motion for a rewarding commercial-free holiday: It won’t help you pick up women but it will definitely give you a hand in lifting up your relationship. Let me know how it works for you!


Day 0: Any day before Feb.1st: Make a list with 7 sections, one for each day. Outline how you want to customize each day to make the most of what your situation. What sort of things does she like? Jot down your ideas as you read the playbook. Keep it simple. What matters most is consistent application, not grandiose planning.


Day 1: February 1st: Bring her a gift that seems ridiculous. Something inexpensive and mundane. Like a grapefruit. It’s important that you give her something because mainstream media begins pushing Valentine’s the hardest today. Simply hand her the grapefruit and tell her you’re glad she’s around. She’ll be a little confused. this is good.

Day 2: February 3rd: Send her the first half of a note. Make it short. Stop writing in the middle of a sentence. A pleasant note about regular things is fine. Just don’t pick a mundane sentence to end with. She’ll be wondering what’s gotten into you at this point. 

Day 3: February 5th: Assuming you’ve not told her what’s in the final half of your note, send it to her. By “send” I mean that you need to make sure it’s in her possession. You don’t have to mail it.  Draw a stick figure at thestick-figure bottom of your note holding a flower and caption it “Stick people don’t get to give real flowers so you’ll have to draw a vase to put this one in.” The more unlike you this part is, the better. We’re trying to create some suspense, hot shot. Trust me and play by the rules. 

Day 4: February 7th:  Ask one of her friends to tell her that you said she’s fantastic and are really glad to have her in your life. Make sure the friend doesn’t let on that you’ve communicated. The idea is for her to get the message from multiple sources without putting everything together and hunting you down for an explanation. If she asks questions, just tell her you’re trying something you read on some website. You don’t remember what website it was. 

Day 5:  February 9th: Start looking at recipes. You’ll be cooking dinner. If you can’t think of anything to cook, check out some web resources and pick something that looks good.  A good practice is to avoid anything that seems at all French. Try it ahead of time. Keep it simple. Don’t make more than three dishes. Washing more than three burnt-on pans is depressing.

Let her know that you’d like to stay in for Valentine’s Day and that you don’t want to answer questions. This may be the only time she’ll actually leave you alone about something. Enjoy it. Anticipation is a good thing. 

Day 6: February 11th: Give her a real flower. If you’re dying to spend some money, have it delivered. Make sure you attach a note that says you bought a dozen flowers but you’re waiting for your bail-out funding before taking delivery of the other 11 flowers. This is fun, it’s cute, you win. Savvy? 

Day 7: February 13th: This is a two-part assignment. First, tell her that she may do what she likes with you for 2 hours the following evening. Say from 7-9pm so she won’t cop out by dragging you to bed. That’s a great concept but you want this to be something she puts some creativity into as well. If she decides she just wants to watch “When Harry Met Sally” for a 5th time. Agree to do it. The fake orgasm scene is amusing, at least.

Second, write her a letter. You know, the ones you make with a pen and some nice paper? Describe how you met and why you are glad to be with her. “You had nice breasts. I like them.” is not an acceptable reason. Especially if things have been a little rocky in your relationship lately, this letter will help smooth things out a bit before Valentine’s Day. It may be difficult to write, but it will be worth it. 

The commercialization of Valentine’s Day is not an excuse to ignore the occasion. It is a challenge to be creative and find new ways to enjoy a holiday dedicated to the love that makes your life so much brighter. 

Don’t spend more than $50. If you do, you’ve missed the point. Also, if you don’t genuinely like her, everything you do will be fake. Don’t be fake. I hate fake people. I don’t want to hate you. Good luck! It’s going to be a Happy Valentine’s Day after all! 

Do you have a particular Valentine’s Day experience you’d be willing to share? Tell me in a comment!  


Photo credit: (dancers) Pipiten


- who has written 34 posts on The Dating Papers.

S drinks a lot of tea and enjoys late-night walks on the beach. He lives with his beta, Balthasar.

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