The following is a playbook that will save you money, improve your relationship, and put things in motion for a rewarding commercial-free holiday: It won’t help you pick up women but it will definitely give you a hand in lifting up your relationship. Let me know how it works for you!
Day 0: Any day before Feb.1st: Make a list with 7 sections, one for each day. Outline how you want to customize each day to make the most of what your situation. What sort of things does she like? Jot down your ideas as you read the playbook. Keep it simple. What matters most is consistent application, not grandiose planning.
Ready?
Day 1: February 1st: Bring her a gift that seems ridiculous. Something inexpensive and mundane. Like a grapefruit. It’s important that you give her something because mainstream media begins pushing Valentine’s the hardest today. Simply hand her the grapefruit and tell her you’re glad she’s around. She’ll be a little confused. this is good.
Day 2: February 3rd: Send her the first half of a note. Make it short. Stop writing in the middle of a sentence. A pleasant note about regular things is fine. Just don’t pick a mundane sentence to end with. She’ll be wondering what’s gotten into you at this point.
Day 3: February 5th: Assuming you’ve not told her what’s in the final half of your note, send it to her. By “send” I mean that you need to make sure it’s in her possession. You don’t have to mail it. Draw a stick figure at the
bottom of your note holding a flower and caption it “Stick people don’t get to give real flowers so you’ll have to draw a vase to put this one in.” The more unlike you this part is, the better. We’re trying to create some suspense, hot shot. Trust me and play by the rules.
Day 4: February 7th: Ask one of her friends to tell her that you said she’s fantastic and are really glad to have her in your life. Make sure the friend doesn’t let on that you’ve communicated. The idea is for her to get the message from multiple sources without putting everything together and hunting you down for an explanation. If she asks questions, just tell her you’re trying something you read on some website. You don’t remember what website it was.
Day 5: February 9th: Start looking at recipes. You’ll be cooking dinner. If you can’t think of anything to cook, check out some web resources and pick something that looks good. A good practice is to avoid anything that seems at all French. Try it ahead of time. Keep it simple. Don’t make more than three dishes. Washing more than three burnt-on pans is depressing.
Let her know that you’d like to stay in for Valentine’s Day and that you don’t want to answer questions. This may be the only time she’ll actually leave you alone about something. Enjoy it. Anticipation is a good thing.
Day 6: February 11th: Give her a real flower. If you’re dying to spend some money, have it delivered. Make sure you attach a note that says you bought a dozen flowers but you’re waiting for your bail-out funding before taking delivery of the other 11 flowers. This is fun, it’s cute, you win. Savvy?
Day 7: February 13th: This is a two-part assignment. First, tell her that she may do what she likes with you for 2 hours the following evening. Say from 7-9pm so she won’t cop out by dragging you to bed. That’s a great concept but you want this to be something she puts some creativity into as well. If she decides she just wants to watch “When Harry Met Sally” for a 5th time. Agree to do it. The fake orgasm scene is amusing, at least.
Second, write her a letter. You know, the ones you make with a pen and some nice paper? Describe how you met and why you are glad to be with her. “You had nice breasts. I like them.” is not an acceptable reason. Especially if things have been a little rocky in your relationship lately, this letter will help smooth things out a bit before Valentine’s Day. It may be difficult to write, but it will be worth it.
The commercialization of Valentine’s Day is not an excuse to ignore the occasion. It is a challenge to be creative and find new ways to enjoy a holiday dedicated to the love that makes your life so much brighter.
Don’t spend more than $50. If you do, you’ve missed the point. Also, if you don’t genuinely like her, everything you do will be fake. Don’t be fake. I hate fake people. I don’t want to hate you. Good luck! It’s going to be a Happy Valentine’s Day after all!
Do you have a particular Valentine’s Day experience you’d be willing to share? Tell me in a comment!
Seth
Photo credit: (dancers) Pipiten
While we were dating my husband and I never celebrated Valentine’s day, still not exactly sure why. Last year was our first Valentine’s day as a married couple, and he wanted to celebrate it. He brought it up, not me.
I guess because we were no longer “living in sin” or something…Ha.
So I made him a 3 course picnic in our living room. With all of his favorite seafood {even the stuff I don’t like} Bought him only dark chocolates {his favorite} and we spent the night talking and watching my belly move. I was 24 weeks pregnant at the time.
Your 7 days write up is perfect. It’d definitely spark my intrigue and it’s simply sweet.
I have been lurking here a while. I am not in a relationship but honestly, if the men I have known made simple afforts like this instead of making it a point that it is the most stupid holiday, I would be eating out of thier hands.- nice write-up.
Mrs C: What a great story! I’m really impressed that you were able to cook seafood without being bothered by the smell! I really hope your new family is doing well and that you have a blessed 2009!
Shani: Isn’t that the point? =) Really though, some of the best advice I’ve been given by couples who have enjoyed successful relationships is to make a habit of doing nice little things consistently for each other. We all like to be reminded of how much we mean to others. The hardest part, for me, is taking the first step and showing appreciation when I’m not sure I’ll get any in return.
Thanks for reading!
Seth
I like it, it makes the very romantic couples time spread out and I think if a man did this it would make a woman happy they planned ahead and stretched it out.
Hi Chris! I think it might work even better if the “couple” didn’t plan it out and one partner, perhaps you, tries to do things on the sly. Makes it more fun!
Seth
“You had nice breasts. I like them.”
Had? hehe, sorry, couldn’t help myself.
I like your approach. Spreading the love over a series of days is a unique idea, I like it and just may do it this year. thanks!
It’s about time!:) This is a terrific proposition, full of intrigue and the unexpected. All too often our appreciation for one another wanes because everything is so predictable, therefore becomes mundane. Hope someone reads this and does this for me but then again, now I’ve read the post:) sigh! Good one,Seth and nice to meet you!:)
Wayne: Glad you have a sense of humor, too! You fully understand why that isn’t an option! =) If you do try it, let me know how it goes! Either comment or hit me up at seth at thedatingpapers dot com with your results, please!
Henie: Yes, you’ve read the post. You’ll have to act surprised when somebody does it for you…then again, if he’s customized it well, you’ll still be wondering what’s next!
Thanks for visiting. Best to you!
Seth
This would beat all the fancy dinner/box of expensive chocolates (and I love to eat out and love chocolates)I’ve had on Valentine’s Day. It’s a silly holiday but if a guy followed your suggestions I might actually find myself liking it.
I love it! This is a grand idea and will pass on your link. I love Valentine’s Day being about love, romance and being simple. Not about huge stuffed animals, tons of chocolate or store bought crap. Cooking at home is a wonderful idea and so much more personal.
Perfect! Worthy of sharing with everyone I know
I’m so glad you’d be thrilled to have such a plan enacted upon you!
Guys, take note of this. The ladies dig it.
=)
Thanks for stopping by!
Seth
Seth, first off thanks for following me on Twitter. Second, this is great advice. Most people forget how to be romantic, they forget the tricks they used when courting their SO and this brings it all back. Great Work.
Sean
coloradocoachingcompany.com
solutioncoach, on Twitter
I found this blog because of your follow on Twitter too Seth, Thanks.
Leapt right to your Valentine’s Day message. Nice one.
This is a big topic for men and women who are not currently in a romantic relationship too. I would like to see your advice for those folks.
I am involved with two communities: http://Singelringen.com, the Swedish ring for Singles and http://SingularCity.com, a magazine and community for upscale unmarried men and women in Los Angeles. These groups are about reminding singles they should enjoy their singles life and not feel pressured to be in a couple.
Personally, I think Valentine’s Day is about expressing love to friends and family. The cute little cards we exchanged as kids in school to our classmates are a great memory. Valentine’s Day should not be about expensive gifts.
I’m a girl. I’m in a happy relationship. This post has hardly any relevance to my life, but I LOVED it. So fun – I’m going to tweet it to all my friends so they can share the buge grin I have on my face right now. Great stuff!
Sean: Ah, but we haven’t forgotten it! It can be so easy to lose sight of the small things when they really are what makes a relationship valuable in a sustaining way. Glad you enjoyed it!
Jamie: It has hardly any relevance to your life…so your SigOt is already peppering you with little surprises you don’t expect? Nice! It’s always good to hear about guys who are making an effort to keep things fresh.
Best to you!
Seth
Hello Seth,
Very informative and interesting article. We should join forces and educate people on this great day (VDay). Please contact me if your interested!
Smooches
I am having a blog party the month of February I’m going to include a link to this post January 31st
Wow I love this whole idea. I am not the guy that tries to spend thousands of dollar, but always looking for a good way to show how much I love her! Printed and will be used!
Seen this on twitter!
Rashaun: Please, let me know how it works out!
Oh, brilliant! Funny, and brilliant. Because at the end of the day, we really just want to know you’re thinking about us – on Valentine’s Day, or any day really. Much better than overpriced hothouse flowers or chocolate that we’ll feel guilty about eating or anything else that “everyone” is doing for V-Day.
(For the record though? I’d take “nice breasts – I like them”. After two kids, comments like this increase in value!)
V.
Okay Seth, you had me until you said, “no French” French is the language of love; the food, the medium. Here are two easy French Desserts; the second takes less than a half hour.
If anyone wants really easy french cooking ideas, feel free to email
Chocolate tart in a chocolate crust:
Scant 1 cup flour
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, plus some for dusting
Pinch of salt
5 tablespoons sugar
1/2 pound (2 sticks) cold butter
1 tablespoon milk
6 oz good bittersweet chocolate, roughly chopped (Trader Joe’s sells large blocks that are really cheap and yummy).
1 egg
2 egg yolks
Combine the flour, cocoa, salt and 2 tablespoons of the sugar in a bowl or food processor. Add half the butter and cut it in or process until the mixture is crumbly. Add the milk and , by hand, knead the mixture into a smooth ball; if it is too moist, add a little more flour. Wrap in plastic and refrigerate for 30 minutes.
Roll out the dough on a lightly floured surface. Line a 9– or 10-inch tart pan with it. Refrigerate the crust, for 15 minutes or so.
Preheat the oven to 400°F. Prick the bottom of the crust all over with a fork, then bake for ten minutes, until firm.
Meanwhile, melt together the remaining butter and chocolate over low heat, stirring occasionally. Cool slightly. Whisk together the egg, the yolks, and the remaining 3 tablespoons of sugar, then whisk into the chocolate mixture.
Fill the hot crust and bake for 3 minutes, no more. Remove from the oven and cool, then dust with the cocoa and serve.
Tart Vaudoise
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons flour, plus a pinch
Pinch of salt
1/4 cup + 1 teaspoon sugar
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
3 Tablespoons butter
2 to 4 Tablespoons milk
1-1/2 cups sour cream (I usually use a little bit more…)
1 teaspoon cinnamon (the fresher the better—you can really tell the difference–I grind a cinnamon stick with a coffee grinder or cheese grater)
Combine the 1 cup + 2 tablespoons flour with salt, 1 teaspoon sugar, and the baking powder in a bowl or food processor. Add the butter and cut it in or process the mixture until crumbly. Add 2 tablespoons of the milk and , using your hands, begin to gather the mixture in a ball; if it is still a little dry, add some or all of the remaining milk. Wrap in plastic and refrigerate for 30 minutes.
Roll out the dough on a lightly floured surface to a thickness of ¼ inch or less and line a 10-inch tart pan with it, pressing the dough into the bottom and sides and trimming the excess. Refrigerate for 15 to 30 minutes.
Preheat the oven to 450°F. Prick the bottom of the dough all over with a fork. Mix the remaining ½ cup sugar and the pinch of flour with the remaining sour cream. Spread over the bottom of the tart shell, then dust with the cinnamon. Back until the crust is golden brown, 10 to 15 minutes; cool completely before serving
Valerie: I’ll try to remember that if we ever get to meet in person. =)
Zacharia: And you included recipes! That is what I call constructive criticism! Just remember that most guys aren’t as talented in the kitchen as you seem to be. You are definitely cooking if we ever hang out.
Best to you!
Seth
Have your cake and eat it kind of a dillema. What should today’s brides do? Have a great reception or save for a home? I would take the second any day