Dating Advice

Moveable Types: Red Wine And Emo Girls

32 Comments 17 February 2009


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How often to do you turn down a potential relationship because the person in question isn’t your “type”? 

I recently attended a party at a good friend’s house. I was in a rotten mood and had tried to call out but he had insisted. “C’mon, Seth! Just get here. You’ll have fun!” 

Dory Emo Girl!

I did my best to participate and keep things upbeat, but I was obviously not in my best party form. 

Then something happened that landed this particular party in front of you. 1am had just rolled in and I was sitting on a deeply-padded leather couch in the upstairs living room, drinking wine from the biggest glass I’ve ever seen (If you have a friend who breaks out expensive bottles of wine to cheer you up, I suggest you hold that friend close).

Everything was fine until a lovely woman in her late 20’s who I’ll call Dory (If you’re a fan of Finding Nemo, you’ll get the reference) plopped down on the couch beside me to start a conversation about our mutual love of Fall Out Boy. But I don’t listen to Fall Out Boy. I only know of the band from shopping mall soundsystems and previous conversations with people like Dory.
Dory's Pushy-Pully!

I was feeling pretty mellow and quietly listened to Dory talk until one of her sentences popped my mental swimmies and pushed me to the bottom of her verbal pool: “Oh, wow, Seth! We have so much in common! I bet we even eat the same brand of hot dogs!” She said with a smile.

I wanted to bite her head off but I took a moment first to try to see what she was seeing. As far as I could tell, she saw a young guy wearing a hoodie sitting on a couch away from the party. 

Her most obvious association was screamo music and Fall Out Boy because that is what the guys she knows who sit in dark corners wearing hoodies enjoy. She’d done what so many dating experts recommend to singles who struggle to meet new people: She’d taken the initiative, found common ground, and started a conversation. 

But she’d missed out on the $100 bottle of red wine, the dress shirt underneath the hoodie, and the eight people who had checked in with me just to say “hi” during our conversation. 

I wanted to tell Dory that she’d found the wrong guy and that she was wasting her time, but I couldn’t. I was too inspired by her insistence that we liked the same kind of hot dog. 

“Dory, I don’t really like Fall Out Boy and I’m typically much more outgoing than I’m being right now. But I think I know somebody you’d really hit it off with.” I said with my best smile, hoping she’d be cool with it. 

“Oh, really? Can you introduce us? I’m sorry if I was being boring!” She said with the same earnest voice she’d used on the hot dogs. 

I introduced Dory to Robert. We found him in the kitchen, wearing skinny jeans and pushing his emo bangs away from his face as he sliced limes. They hit it off immediately and my party attitude was revived. 

What’s the point? Dory took the worst angle possible in trying to chat me up but she was successful in the greater scheme because she was friendly and upbeat about our lack of shared interests. If you make an effort to make friends instead of weeding through potential bedmates, you’ll discover that many “mis-matches” probably have a friend who will rock your world.

Just something to think about.

Original photo credits: hykukarpov twt, KR.b

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- who has written 34 posts on The Dating Papers.

S drinks a lot of tea and enjoys late-night walks on the beach. He lives with his beta, Balthasar.

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