Tag archive for "marriage"

Is It Okay To Tell Her She Looks Fat?

Communication, For Guys, The Scoop

Is It Okay To Tell Her She Looks Fat?

20 Comments 18 August 2009

mirrorby Sarah Joy Albrecht

“Do I look fat in this dress?”

Next to being asked to get snipped, this is the dreaded question that men fear most from women.

How can he answer this loaded, Catch-22? If he answers “yes,” he’s in the doghouse. If he says “no,” he’s “not being honest” and God forbid a girlfriend points out the obvious during a trip the ladies’ room.

Believe it or not, my husband Tom and I have had a “do I look fat in this dress” pact since the beginning of our marriage, when I was healthy size eight.

Ten years, five kids and an abdominal myomectomy later, I was considering starting a reclaim-my-body exercise regimen and I asked my husband the dreaded question.

He ducked and dutifully answered in the affirmative.

I did not hit him.

“It’s okay for me to say that because you told me to be honest,” he said, peering through his fingers. “Remember the pact?!”

“Yes,” I replied, through clenched teeth. “I remember.

Tom quickly promised me that I was lovely and desirable to him, and would continue to be, even if I didn’t lose a single inch from my waistline. He even gave me a flirtatious look that assured me he meant what he said.

“Make a list of things you need,” he said. He then funded my workout gear, even encouraging me to get the more expensive weight set so that it would be more durable.

On the occasions I’ve growled and hit “snooze” on my Japanese cell phone’s wake-up alarm, he’s even gone as far as saying “C’mon, love, put your feet on the tatami mat” when I don’t feel like to rolling out of my futon in the wee hours of the morning. (Although, in this case, I think it’s just a masked excuse to sadistically fling off my cozy blankets and watch me beg for mercy!)

Why am I happy, instead of offended, that Tom answered honestly? Because our pact has been the single most motivating item on my list of reasons for sticking with my exercise routine. I want to look my best for him, especially since he loves me even when I’m not my physical best. (Not to mention he’s been by my side through thick and thin while I gained those extra pounds.) Tom was honest and supportive both verbally and monetarily – without guilting me over the budget – when it mattered most. That’s love.

It is because we have the foundation of forever in place that we can be so frank with each other. He’s my bestfriendinthewholewideworld, and I’d rather hear it from him than anyone else.

Still wondering about having a potentially embarrassing pact with your significant other? Think of it this way: If you were at a restaurant, wouldn’t you want your closest friend to tell you that you have spinach stuck between your teeth?

I would!

Would you consider a “do I look fat in this?” pact or would you prefer your partner always insist that you’re the perfect weight? Let me know! =)

RT @datingpapers When Is It Okay to Tell Her She Looks Fat?

photo credit: fazen

Sarah said she’d follow her husband Tom to the ends of the earth. He called her bluff, and they moved from their house in Pennsylvania to live by the sea in northern Japan. They homeschool their five progeny, all born after 2001. She loves people, writes for fun and thinks about God constantly. You can find her blog at http://sarahjoyalbrecht.com or follow her @mrsalbrecht on Twitter.

Have I Found The One?

Dating Advice

Have I Found The One?

41 Comments 17 August 2009

Have I found the one? We all tend to ask ourselves if we have found the one at some point in a relationship. You know, the person who makes you suddenly believe that nobody else could ever come even close? Yep, that one.

I recently asked the following question on Twitter:

“Married Peeps: What 140 characters of advice would you give to a single guy/gal who thinks “this one” might be “THE one”? Thanks!”

Have I found the one?

The responses were thoughtful, heartfelt, and humorous at times. I’ve placed the best answers below for you to peruse and perhaps even learn something from. Enjoy!

Relationship Advice - Happy Couple

“Establish that your values are mostly similar & your opinions mostly different—& keep it that way.” – Daniel Thurston

“There is no ‘the one.’ But the one you choose for life becomes the one. Advice- Treat her like the one, and make yourself the two!” -Jay Brock

Relationship Advice - Arguing Couple

“New serious couples should discuss/weigh the big things (kids, church, money, heritage). It’s not all about romance.” – Dave Peckens

“My advice – There’s no “think.” You feel or you know, but thinking gets you in trouble.” – Ray Hartjen

Relationship Advice - Tired Couple

“Advice: Give it a yr or 2 & have UR own lives.Focus on character, similar interests, how look at $/religion and values>then vows.” -Stacey Ross

“Don’t hyphenate when you marry! If she is the one, you still have to work at letting her know that, year after year.” – Rob Kerley

Relationship Advice - Windy Couple

“Have you had a real fight? If not start one. If so, can you do it with love and respect? If not, wait until you can!” – Jesse Friedman

“What do you know about his/her childhood? family issues — and relationship w/siblings & live parents — will impact marriage. Dysfunctional family relationships in potential spouse not a deal breaker. But go in w/eyes open.” – Sarah Gilbert

Smiling Couple - Relationship Advice

“If you “think” they are the one, then they are not. When you know, you know.” – Michel Fortin

“Can you take a week-long vacay with her and not get into any blow-out-type fights? If yes, you’re well on your way.” – Arik Hanson

Relationship Advice - Happy Old Couple

“Have patience. If you don’t have it, learn it. and if you have it, get more.” – Justin Parks

“Marriage is 10% bliss and 90% forgiveness of the other person’s shortcomings. Hard work but worth it.” – Nictos

Relationship Advice - Silly Couple

“[you’ll need (to be)] Sense of humor; thoughtfulness; supportive; understanding; be impressed by each other; unconditional trust; separate bank accounts.” – Teri Rehkopf

“If she doesn’t help inspire you each day, she’s not the one. Just working on 34 years, tho, so could be something different.” – Michael Whitlow

Relationship Advice - Inspiration

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did. If some bit of advice resonated with you, take a moment to get in touch with the author (names link to websites) and say thanks!

Have I found the one? If you have a bit of advice you’d like to add, share it in a comment. Thank you!

Photo credit: adwriter, is katz, skedonk, carlos nicora, theerin, fotorita, mad mannequin,

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