Tag archive for "Reader Questions"

Simon Says | Just Friends And Aggressive Exes

Reader Questions, The Scoop

Simon Says | Just Friends And Aggressive Exes

26 Comments 27 February 2010

Note: Have a question about romance, love, sex, or relationships that you’d like to have answered in an upcoming article? Click here to submit your question.

Waiting Longingly wrote in with this question. Well, a story and a question:

There is this girl i met last semester. I saw her while we were in a study room of 4, my friend and i, and the girl and her friend. I started developing a genuine interest in her and just could not resist her. We are at the same University, she is a freshman and i am a sophomore,anyways, since that day when we all met at the study room, each time i run into her, i just hug her, ask her how she is doing, and go my way.

I am a very shy person, so i was extremely nervous each time i saw her, and as much as i tried to control my nerves, it just would get the better of me.But as i said, each time i saw her i hugged her, and we just had brief chats and i went my way.That was towards the end of last semester, so we ran into each other about 3 times since we have different schedules.Anyways, so at the start of this semester, i saw her on the first day of school, together with her friend, we hugged, i wished them a happy new year, and went to class because i was in a hurry.

A day later, my friend told me he saw her, and while they were talking, she asked him how i was doing. A week after that i saw her together with her friend at the school caffeteria, but to my utter suprise, she first made like she didn’t see me, then just said hi and continued talking with her friend. Then 2 hours after, i ran into her again, this time with her friend, and hugged them both, i asked her how she was doing, and she said, she’s ok. But the snub at the caffeteria left me downbeat, and discouraged to even initiate more conversation.

Anyway i want to know what mistakes i might have made, and if i still have a chance of still getting her, and if so, how do i go about, trying to get her number, and hanging out with her, and hopefully having her as my girlfriend eventually.Another minor obstacle is that, each time i run into her she is with her friend and it is hard to initiate a conversation with a girl in such situations.Then yesterday, i met her friend and was talking to her, but she did not sound interested in the conversation as she used too.Please i really need advice on this situation Thanks!

Waiting Longingly

WL, that was quite a long explanation. Unless this girl likes reading Russian novels, you’ll not do well in attempting written correspondence with her. Anyway, you say you’re a shy dude and yet you walked up to this girl, said hello, and dished the physical in prompt form. That, my unwary friend, is not the sign of shyness. Your problem doesn’t seem to be shyness. If anything, you’ve been too friendly around this girl.

What do I mean by that? It’s very simple. If you like a girl, and you seemed to like this one initially, then you pay her more attention than you do anybody or anything around her. Are you supposed to be polite to her friends? Yes. Are you supposed to initiate physical contact with her friends? No! But you did, WL. You went and hugged all over her friends and met up with them and gave them loving you should have reserved for your one and only.

If you walk up to her now and ask her out, you know what she’ll most likely say? “oooh, WL, that’s really sweet of you but I value your friendship a LOT and I wouldn’t want to risk losing that by dating.” Unless you like the sound of that, it’s probably time you moved on. The world is full of women for you to hug, WL. Just make sure you’re only hugging one until she gives you explicit instructions to do otherwise.

Blue With Fear wrote in with an amazing situation:

Hi Simon, an ex I haven’t seen in 2 years recently sent me a prepaid cellphone via FedEx with minutes on it and a note that said “call me” and included a phone number and her name. What am I supposed to do? I don’t really miss her. I suppose she might have found out I was getting a divorce because I was slow in changing my Facebook settings. Otherwise, I’m not sure what she’s up to or what I should do about this. Help!

BWF, if a woman sent me a burner phone with minutes on it and I had no interest in calling her, you know what I’d do? I’d call my mother, talk until the minutes were up, and move on with my life. I don’t call my mother often enough and I know she’d appreciate the gesture. Of course, there’s a possibility that your ex has rigged the phone to explode when her number is dialed and calling her will leave you maimed or dead. What’s worse, she might just want to get you on the phone so she can woo you back into her clutches.

But perhaps you were the douchebag and she was right to be rid of you. Perhaps she’s in a bad spot and you were the only person she could think to get in touch with and not risk another “I’m naked in front of this person for the first time” experience. Perhaps you’d be doing her a favor by keeping your evil self out of her life? That’s something only you can know for sure, BWF. I suggest calling your mother and getting on with your life.

Readers, feel free to add your thoughts if you like and don’t forget to submit a question of your own!

Life After Divorce: Papers Not Yet Signed & She’s Already Dating My Friend!

Communication, Get Over It

Life After Divorce: Papers Not Yet Signed & She’s Already Dating My Friend!

23 Comments 27 August 2009

Waiting aloneI need your help!

Hi! I’ve (Seth) decided to begin answering relationship questions more often here on The Dating Papers. Some, like the one in this post, might fall into an area where you have experience and/or expertise. If that’s the case, please, please chime in with your thoughts and advice. All I ask is that you maximize positive support and minimize judgement. None of us know each other well enough to criticize effectively but our humanity should be reason enough to empathize as best we can.

I’ll post questions as they’re sent in (a few at a time if need be) in the hope that we can offer some real-life advice and support to those readers who take the time to reach out. I’ll contact the individuals who submitted questions as posts go live in the hope that they’ll take a moment to read and perhaps give some more context to their questions. Obviously, I can’t make any promises. I’m hopeful that this will be a positive experience for everyone involved. Thanks for your efforts to prove my hope worthwhile!

Now, for the question!
Joe wrote in:

I am currently comming out of a 7 year marriage, were the decision to end it was a mutual decision. We both have just come to the conclusion that we are not right for each other. Yet at the same time I can’t seem to get over things with her. We have not even signed the papers yet she is allready dating one of her friends. I don’t want her back, but I can’t seem to let go of the idea that she is dating someone else so soon and a friend of ours on top of that. Well ex friend for me now.

Hi Joe,

You’ve put 7 years of your life into a relationship with this woman. A mutual decision to formally end your relationship doesn’t lessen the time invested nor make it easy to see her moving on so quickly! I can’t imagine the brackish rush of emotions you’re experiencing at any given moment. What I can do is offer you a few simple thoughts and put your question to some readers who have experienced a divorce (perhaps recently) and can offer you some personal encouragement!

First, you’re in a time of great transition. Don’t expect to find a happiness solution overnight or grow despondent because you occasional grovel in despair or self-loathing. You’re most likely experiencing a lot of different emotions. Go ahead and feel them. Experience them. Then set them aside.

How can you do that? The best way to push away your unhappiness and confusion is to help others bring sense to their own lives. Volunteer for a local homeless shelter or soup kitchen. If you live in the city and know people who struggle to make ends meet, spend some time helping them! In helping others, it’s often that we discover the simplest way to help ourselves. It also seems to put things in better perspective when we are in close proximity to the suffering and strength of others. Get close to people who are struggling and work to help them.

At minimum, you’ll have less time to sit home and watch TV with your thoughts!

I could go on but I think I’ve given you a good starting point. I’d also like to let the readers sound in with their advice and support for you. Sound good? I hope so!

Reader, what advice do you have for Joe? I’m sending him an email shortly se he knows to swing by to read your answers. Thank you!

Note: Comment moderation is turned on. Once you’ve had a comment approved, subsequent comments will show up immediately. I apologize for the inconvenience and thank you again for your input!

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