For Women, Questions, Sex

The Sex Checklist

62 Comments 24 January 2010


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by Emma Frisoni

It's Sexy Time?

The rain hitting the windows softly glowed as he lit each candle and placed it in its sconce. The mustardy gold walls gave off an amber hue in the candlelight and his brown eyes were deep with desire. I sipped prosecco as I leaned against the pillows, seductively arranged in only my bra, garter and thigh highs; waiting as he turned on his iPod to a soft ambient playlist…

Although the setting was near perfect, I was still nervous. It wasn’t like it was my first time, but it was with him and I didn’t want to mess it up. I had known him for a few months and the chemistry was there, the sexual tension was strong and now that it was finally time, I was afraid?? While trying to look effortlessly sexy, I went through my mental checklist:

  • Brazilian – check
  • Hair styled perfectly – check
  • Perfume behind the knees – check
  • Light dusting of baby powder “down there” – check
  • Shaved legs and armpits – check
  • Waterproof mascara – check
  • Deodorant – check
  • Listerine – check
  • Manicure/pedicure – check

Everything was done, so what was I so worried about? Maybe he won’t like the baby powder scent? Or the perfume. Was my breath too listerine-y? I knew the mascara wasn’t running because it was waterproof. I took another sip of prosecco and decided to enjoy the moment.

What is your checklist? Do you have one – just for new partners or for the one you’ve been with for awhile? Did I miss anything on mine? Tell me! I’d love to hear!

image: panties


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Author

- who has written 8 posts on The Dating Papers.

Hi! I'm Emma. A shoe addict, espresso-drinker, and fashionista. I live and work in Boston, MA, and I am NOT dating Seth. (Figured we'd get that out of the way) You can find me on Twitter as @emmafrisoni =)

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62 Comments so far

  1. Nano kredit says:

    Most what i read online is trash and copy paste but i feel you offer something different. Maintain it like this. 296988

  2. Erin Pridgen says:

    Aw, this was a really good post. In concept I wish to put in writing like this moreover ?taking time and precise effort to make an superb write-up?but what can I say?I procrastinate alot and undoubtedly not appear to get 1 thing done. 371068

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  4. Rashawn says:

    I love your list but I wonder more about how vocal to be, and if he thinks because I am a pretty girl that I am not open to a myriad of sexual trysts.

    • Maule says:

      Please help with this advice apapecirted?I really dont know what to do or ?How to resolve this, Your help or advice would be great. Please be sensitive as I am feeling quite low.Back in 2005 an abusive ex was arrested for beating up another woman, he was immediately given 15 months in prison (he did 9 months of the sentence) not only was I appalled at his actions, but it meant he had cheated/lied to me to have been with her. This was my que to have a fresh start. I was working at a gym, did an access to nursing course (worked very hard to study and have a job and manage my flat, finances etc) I also met a great guy that I worked with. I wrote to the bad guy in prison and told him I had moved on. For once I was happy. Me and the new man had a great few months, I was enjoying my studies, got in to an amazing nursing college, was happy and getting self esteem back and this new guy treated me great. In June 06, the toxic man was released from prison (I had ignored his calls and letter) he knew I was in a relationship. Yet, still turned up at my home un invited. He could see I was going places, was happy and had moved on. He was trying every trick in the book to win me back but I told him I was with someone and happy. He didnt listen. In Sept 06 he came to my home and violently raped me. I have had psychological counselling. But because of what he did I pushed the good guy away. I didnt even tell him what had happened as I was too ashamed. Eventually at some point in 2007 our relationship fizzled (down to me being down, unreliable and not myself). Yet, it was only in 2008 that I came forward to police about the rape and abuse as I was not ready to deal with it until then. I had left my University nursing course, I had depression and frankly my life was a mess (still is). The rape trial was due to be 22nd Feb this year, but due to police negligence (they lost one of my video statements) and a catalogue of errors the case was thrown out of court by the judge! Not only has this man destroyed my life and saw that I was moving on and happy and did what he could to ruin it, but he walks free from court for what he did. The nice guy has moved on and is engaged and happy, and I am left picking up the pieces of my life. The last 4 years have been sheer hell. I had a brief relationship in the summer and I am now 7 months pregnant, I just feel like my life is a total mess and dont know what to do to get back to my old self.I am currently in the process of suing the police but the injustice of all this is awful Please help, thanksthe length of time it took me to report the rape is irrelevent as I forgot to mention I had visited a rape clinic straight after where forensics and medical evidence were taken and a DNA match was found. I havent spoken to this beast for 18 months and dont intend to.

    • Anja says:

      she wanted a trial seproatian after 12 years living together, 6 married. So, I completely understand why she kicked me out and is upset with me. My question is about how she’s handling this. When she asked me to leave, I thought she needed space and we’d be apart for 2-3 weeks. She asked me to leave on Nov 14. Since then we’ve seen each other a couple of times, but she hasn’t wanted to talk about the problems (she’s not completely innocent). Since we went to dinner on 12/31, all I’m getting is short responses via text, she won’t answer my calls. I’ve asked if it’s over or if she needs time, but she won’t tell me. I’ve told her she’s not being fair, she won’t answer. I’ll be devastated if it’s over, but at least I’ll be able to move on. I know the seproatian is my fault, but I’m getting angry at the lack of communication and after 12 years, I think she owes me the courtesy. I’ve never been violent, I’ve made some bad decisions. Also, she is my first relationship, so I’ve never been in this situation before. What do I do?If it’s over, doesn’t she owe it to me to tell me? 12 years?Also, she’s 40, I think that’s mature enough to tell me whether it’s over or not.

    • Too many compliments too little space, thanks!

    • Amanda says:

      To a lot of people that prlobbay sounds like he wants to have an affair. I don’t know this guy so I can’t say for sure, but he may just be stressing out about his wife’s pregnancy. But he’s definitely going the wrong way about dealing with it. What he’s done is find someone that is a nice person, who listens, and who actually reminds him of his wife, being in the same situation, but who is handling it in a different way. To him he’s associating the two, and finding the colleague to be doing a better job and can’t understand why his wife is different, and why things are so tough for him. He’s being unfair to his wife and the colleague, and selfish.Now, I just wanted to put that point in, because he sounds very much like he’s looking for an affair. Mainly someone to make him feel good about himself. Right now he’s not worth any ones time until he can grow up and realise that his wife needs him now, and the other woman is in a serious relationship of her own.


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