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One of the worst things you can do on a date is to try too hard. This comes across as desperate, overeager, and often has hopeless results…unless your date is the same type of person. Then you’re in luck! Most try not to date overeager and desperate people. Among the most common types of fail-ready behavior:
- Bringing chocolate and flowers or some other perishable gift to an early date. If you’re bringing non-perishables or jewelry to a first date (or second or third, unless they’ve saved your life)…its probable that you’ve also been talking to your date online for at least six months and may be willing to overlook the disparity between their photos and real appearance…blessings on you!
- Having your date come to your residence, and worse, cooking for them. Save that sort of thing for later! If you make the best guacamole in the world, or something like, bring a sample along to eat with your lunch or brunch date. You’ll impress with your abilities without the embarrassment of placing seared scallops in front of a date with seafood allergies.
- Group dates. These are THE biggest wussy cop-out possible. If you’re meeting up with friends at a bar or residence, it’s a party. Your intended squeeze is open game and might take an unbearable fascination for your old buddy from high school you never knew could play the guitar and speak French. Leave the group dates for when you’re old and joining the cronies for Buffet Thursday. The only exception to this comes in this simple truth: Guys who get along with, have fun around, and don’t mind being with old people are generally considered entirely adorable.
If you want a creative first date, take your intended sigot to the local bingo night or to have dinner with your crazy old uncle. She’ll get her own taste of The Notebook and you’ll find out how much of a trooper she is!
I made a complete wreck of a date just this past year by overdoing it. I was going out with a woman my friend had know for a bit. He’d told her that I was an amazing date and could show her a really excellent afternoon (even he knew not to volunteer my evening!). I gave in to my urge to impress and planned an extravagant afternoon of activities following a lunch at a fantastic restaraunt. I spent money, time, and concern on a woman who wanted none of it.
As we drove back to her apartment, she asked if we could stop at Wendy’s because the expensive lunch we’d had “just wasn’t her type.”
It was a disappointing lesson that I shouldn’t have put myself in the position to re-learn. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that just because you put a lot of thought, effort, and expense into a date that it will automatically be perfect. There’s a lot to be said for “Be yourself, but be your best self.” Just know that the intangibles of humor, genuine interest, and confidence will always outshine the most complex outing.
My pain, your gain!